How to Be a Bro

Being a Good Bro

Live by a bro code. Every bro's gotta have a code. It's the thing that unites and binds and solidifies the concept of the bro, separating bro from the common beasts and squirrels of the world. Your bro code is up to you and your bros, as well as the punishments for transgressing, but a few rules are generally universal when it comes to bros. Never mess with your bro's date, sister, or mother Always have a bro's back Always take wingman responsibilities seriously Bros won't make other bros look bad in front of girls Bros don't let bros drive drunk

Find your neighbors and build up a brommunity. Bros gotta stick together. The number one requirement for being a bro? Surround yourself with other brosephs, brahs, and brosiehs. Get a close-knit community of friends to hang out with and support each other. Leave no bro behind. Lots of bros join fraternities in college, but it's not a requirement. Wherever you can, find like-minded male friends that you can bond with on a deep level. That might mean joining a fraternal organization of some kind, but you can also find male friends at work, church, the garage, or school. Intramural sports are great for meeting guys with similar interests. Likewise, if you're a gym rat, hang around the weight room to meet up with lifting buddies. You can have some school bros, some gym bros, a different set for every situation.

Learn the proper bro-shake. When two bros meet, they don't shake hands like a couple of preachers. And they certainly don't hug. They bro-shake. It's like a combination hug, high-five, and arm-wrestling match. In other words, perfect for bros. To execute the bro shake, high-five your friend about chest high, at a 45 degree angle, grasping his hand as if you were about to arm-wrestle. Don't let go. Flex your guns. Think of the bicep-bulging scene in Predator where Schwarzenegger meets Carl Weathers. Next, keeping your hands grasped, use your other hand to pat your bro's back one time, hard, in a half-embrace. Your arm-wreslte hand-shake will still be between you, so it won't be a full on hug. A bro-hug, a bro-shake, whatever you want to call it, it's cool.

Be reliable. You get a call from your good buddies across town, stranded and beaten up after getting in a bar fight? Your date night is over, bro. You need to get in your car and go help out. A good bro is always reliable to be there for his good friends, coming through in a pinch with a helping hand, advice, or the right socket wrench.

Say what you mean. The world is full of too many complicated things. Conversing with your bros shouldn't be one of them. Communicate openly with your other bros and don't make talking a challenge, full of codes and misconceptions. If you're pissed that your bro borrowed your car and didn't fill it up with gas, say, "Dude, next time fill it up." If your bro's personal hygiene habits are falling off a bit, all you need to do is say, "Dude, it's called a shower. Take one." Get to the point, cut to the chase, speak from the heart. Don't get offended when other bros cut you the same courtesy. Be thankful you can have friends who'll tell you what you need to hear without sugar-coating it. Think of it as a BS-free zone, not like your other bros are trying to be rude. Don't take it personally if it's the truth.

Always be rallying. Just like Joe Montana in the Super Bowl, Andretti at the Indy 500, or Michael Jordan in the playoffs, good bros can't stop and won't stop. Whether you're partying, working out, or plugging through another round of Madden on Xbox, a bro is always coming from behind and charging through the finish line. Work hard to improve your stamina so you can be full of energy, regardless of the situation. Partied a little hard last night, but it's your buddy's birthday tonight? Probably best to make it a nice quiet night in and watch Dancing With the Stars. Kidding. Get off the couch, dude. Pop a Red Bull, take a shower, and get ready to celebrate your bro's most recent trip around the sun. Feeling lazy at the gym? Pump your headphones full of Guns 'n Roses, Eminem, Led Zeppelin, and whatever tunes will get you pumped to work out to your fullest. Don't waste time in the gym. Sweat is just weakness leaving your body.

Find bro inspirations. Every bro should have some famous bros to look up to, swipe lingo from, and in general idolize as the pinnacles of brodom. Some classics bros include: Ryan Lochte and Michael Phelps Tim Tebow, Johnny Manziel, Derek Jeter, and Chad Johnson Will Smith, Channing Tatum, Matthew McConaughey The bros from Epic Meal Time Dane Cook, Jim Belushi, and Joe Rogan

Try to make every day epic. A bro is just like a regular dude, except more exciting. You've got to be in constant search of that next epic moment, tweaking every situation to make it just a little more perfect. Don't "go out for dinner" with your bros, but make epic eating occasions. Seek out 72 oz. steak-eating challenges, or spicy-food eating challenges to make it competitive. Never let the loser live it down. Don't "go to class," seek out epic new ways of integrating information. Research optimum workout routines to maximize your learning retention and record lectures on your iPod while you multi-task in the lecture hall. Make your presence in class epic by answering questions, arguing with the prof, and making your presence known. Don't "go on dates," go on adventures. Dinner and a movie? That's for regular dudes. Take the cutie from econ white water rafting, or ask the hot barista at your favorite coffee shop to go to a metal concert. Tonight. Take your semi-serious date to the racket-ball court and see what you're made of.

Looking the Part

Get in shape. Bros take fitness and health seriously. Proper fitness allows you to defend yourself, compete regularly, and show off your lean physique when you wear those muscle-shirts. Focus on strength training, cardio, and endurance training to lose pounds and get cut. Buy a couple tickets to the gun show, baby. Develop a workout routine and stick to it a couple times a week. Your energy will improve, and you'll be the best possible version of yourself. You don't have to be a buff guy to be a bro. If you're small or big, you can find similar bros and bro-down together. You might not be able to make friends at the gym like some other bros, but you can use your other bro traits to make up for it.

Always find a good reason to wear athletic gear. It's easy, it's cool, and it's versatile. Athletic gear is the uniform on the field and the uniform off the field, for most bros. That means basketball shorts, jerseys, Nike shoes, and gym sandals. If it's comfortable and made for the locker room, then it's made for the streets. The athletic bro will usually be spotted in: Training pants, with buttons up the side Jerseys, team shirts, tank-tops with Greek letters Backwards baseball cap

Go for the gentleman bro look. Bros from more cosmopolitan origins will often have a slightly different vibe. Think less Dave Matthews Band concert parking lot and more Martha's Vineyard sailboat club. Different vibe, same bro-ness. This bro will typically be wearing: White polo shirts Ralph Lauren cargo shorts Sperry shoes Lacrosse gear Ray Bans

Try out the motocross bro. Gear-head, metal-listening, So-Cal bros have their own style and vibe altogether. You can see these sorts of bros at the Van's Warped Tour or at the skatepark. Typically, they'll be decked in the following attire: Long Dickie's shorts Skate shoes, like Van's or Airwalk Flat-brim hats Black socks, pulled all the way up

Try out the country-cowbro look. City bros are different than country bros. If you've grown up listening to George Jones in the back of your dad's F-150, it's unlikely you'll be running around wearing all the Greek-letter gear. Get real. The cowbro can typically be seen wearing: Wranglers, loose-fit John Deere caps and shirts, tucked in Cowboy boots

Avoiding Stereotypes

Drink responsibly. Being able to drink yourself into a blackout isn't a sign that you're a good bro, it's a sign that you've got a drinking problem. While it may be true that bros tend to enjoy a few brews when they get together, it's important to know your limits and stay on the right side of them. Limit your drinking, never drive after drinking, and stay responsible. Aside from all the legal and responsibility problems over-drinking can get you into, it's also just a bad idea for your health. All those beers are full of empty calories, meaning that you'll develop an unbecoming bro-belly from all those empties and late night Taco Bell runs when you get the drunk munchies. Try to cut back.

Treat women respectfully. This is a big one, bros. If there's one thing that gives you a bad name, it'll be treating women poorly, talking down to them, objectifying them, and being rude in general. Learn to talk to women one-on-one, calmly and with courtesy. Showing off is a turn off. You don't have to beat on your chest like an ape or an idiot to attract women. Let your natural masculinity and your charm do the work, not your goofy machismo. Don't assign numbers to girls. It's disrespectful, crude, and will work against you.

Eat a well-balanced diet. Bros love dude-food, it's true. Bacon, french fries, pizza. What more could a bro need? The answer is fiber, green vegetables, and vitamins. While eating a diet rich in red meats and potatoes sounds great for building muscle and throwing barbecues, it's also a shortcut to bowel and prostate cancer. Bummers for any bro. Try and introduce cooking into your routine. Bros should be good cooks! Experiment with making your own food and eating as healthily as possible. Avoid frozen dinners, fast food, and other junk food.

Drive responsibly. Peeling out at stoplights, cutting off cars in traffic, or honking your horn at hotties you see on the sidewalk doesn't make you cool bro, it makes you a dork. A bro shouldn't have to compensate for feelings of inadequacy by revving his car engine. Work on your self-confidence instead of messing around in your car.