How to Care for Your Upset Boyfriend

Being There for Him

Listen if he wants to talk. If your boyfriend seems upset, one way to help is by giving him room to talk about what’s wrong. Getting things off his chest may help him feel better or come to some sort of solution. You might say, “You seem upset, baby. Want to talk about it?” If he wants to talk, practice active listening skills. Don’t interrupt or rush in trying to fix the problem. Just hear him out.

Validate his feelings. One of the most valuable things you can offer your boyfriend is the sense that you understand or have sympathy for what’s happening in his life. Validation simply means that you let him know that what he’s feelings is okay and understandable. First, let his words clue you in on how he’s feeling. Listen for feeling statements, such as “I don’t know what to do” or “I’m devastated.” Then, validate his feelings by saying things like, “Aw, I’m so sorry that happened. It makes sense that you’re so confused” or “I completely understand why you feel so crushed.”

Be okay with his silence. Even if your boyfriend is typically the outspoken type, he may not immediately want to discuss the situation or his feeling about it. Encourage your boyfriend to talk. However, if he’s not ready, don’t press the issue. For example, if you ask “Do you want to talk?” and he responds with “no,” you might say, “Okay, that’s fine. I’m here if you ever want to.” Don’t constantly beg him to tell you what’s wrong if he doesn’t feel like talking. Give it some time. More than likely, he will open up.

Give him space. Don’t be surprised if your boyfriend asks for some space to deal with what’s going on. Some people prefer to be alone when they’re upset. Try not to take it personally—just give him a little time to himself. Let's say your boyfriend had a fight with his dad. If he needs space to think it over, you might say, “I’ll give you some time alone, but I’ll drop by and check on you later, okay?” If your boyfriend doesn’t expressly ask for time alone, then he’s probably happy that you’re there.

Encourage him to get professional help if it doesn't pass. If your boyfriend remains upset for a long period of time, withdraws from his family and friends, or begins to engage in risky behaviors, he may need counseling from a mental health professional. Suggest to him that he attend a therapy session. For example, you might say, "I've noticed you've seemed really down lately. Have you considered talking to a therapist about this?" Tell your boyfriend that you'll help him find a therapist or even take him to the appointment if he needs support.

Comforting Him

Give him a hug. Physical touch is a great way to show compassion for your boyfriend. If the two of you normally exchange hugs, give him one when he’s feeling upset. If hugs aren’t common between you, it might be a good idea to ask first. If he's upset because he was passed up for a promotion at work, you might say something like, “Can I give you a hug?”

Kiss him. Kisses are yet another way to demonstrate affection for your partner. Plant a kiss on his forehead or cheek to show that you care. Only kiss your partner if this form of intimacy is common in your relationship. If not, ask if it’s okay beforehand.

Remind him why he’s awesome. If the reason behind your boyfriend’s mood negatively impacts his self-worth, remind him why you think he’s great. Doing so may pull him out of the sour mood and help him get perspective on negative criticism. For example, if he didn’t get a job opportunity, you might say, “They can’t see your best qualities, but I can. I believe in you.” If he had a fallout with a friend, you might say, “I know it must have been hard to confront Dan about his lying problem. I’m proud of you.” Tell him why you're grateful to have him in your life. If he starts to cheer up, ask him to come up with a few things that he's grateful for as well.

Make a specific suggestion to help. You can come straight out and ask your boyfriend “How can I help?” but, chances are, he may not have a specific request. Instead, think of an active way you can improve things for him, based on what you know about the situation. For example, if your boyfriend is upset about a test grade, you might offer to help him study for the next test. If he’s upset because he has too many responsibilities over the weekend, you might take one off his hands, such as doing a chore or running errands.

Cheering Him Up

Play his favorite songs. If you’re hoping to pull your boyfriend out of a funk, turn on some of his favorite tunes. This might not guarantee that he’ll burst out in dance, but it may brighten his mood. You may even tell him why you’re playing the music, like “I know you’re feeling down about your parent's divorce, so I thought I’d play your favorite song to help cheer you up.”

Exercise together. Physical activity stimulates the release of feel-good chemicals in the body called endorphins. These chemicals can help improve your boyfriend’s mood. Plus, exercise is a constructive way to distract him from what happened. You might say, “ Work has you super stressed. Why don’t we go for a swim to relax a little?” or “Let’s take the dog for a walk around the block and talk about it. Okay?” If your boyfriend is angry, exercise can be a positive way to channel negative energy.

Treat him to some comfort food. Food may not be the way to your guy’s heart, but it may boost his mood. There’s a reason you crave comfort food when you’re feeling stressed, upset, or sad: some foods activate the reward sensors in the brain. Maybe your boyfriend is down about a poor grade at school. Give him a little pleasure by cooking or ordering out his favorite food. Mac and cheese or pizza won’t raise his grade, but it may help him feel better for a while. Comfort food is great every now and then, but be wary of turning to food too often. If your boyfriend has a tendency to overeat, try making a healthier dish instead (or a healthier version of the comfort food).

Tell a silly joke. Laughter can ease a variety of troubles, so pull out all the stops to make him giggle. Make up a ridiculous joke of your own or send him funny memes or videos. You might use a joke that relates to his situation, such as "You think your work conditions are terrible? Watch this crazy YouTube compilation. I bet you'll see things differently."

Watch his favorite TV show or movie. If you boyfriend has a particular TV series or movie that makes him smile, cuddle up on the couch to watch it—bonus points if it’s a comedy. The show or movie can serve as a distraction from his troubles. When the credits roll, he may be feeling better, or, at the very least, ready to talk about what’s wrong.