How to Talk to a Crush You Haven't Spoken to in a Long Time (for Guys)

Communicating Through Social Media

Like or retweet something that they have posted. This is an indirect but potentially effective way to get back in touch. This is something that you can do to build up your courage to talk to them, or this can be a primer for starting a conversation. Liking their posts or retweeting their tweets will remind them of you, and let them know that you are following their posts. Do not like everything they post. Choose one or two things that you genuinely like and space out the time between your likes to every few days. If you send too much attention to them all at once, it may come off like you are trying too hard. Do not like only the cute pictures of them. You can like one photo where you feel like they look particularly good, but if you like too many pictures of them looking pretty, you may come off creepy. Consider liking a variety of things that they post rather than just their pictures.

Post on social media. If you have been liking or commenting on their posts, provide them with material to comment back on. Post clever or interesting thoughts you have about the world and people, share beautiful or interesting pictures that you have taken, or find funny gifs, pictures or quotes from the internet that you can post along with a comment about why you like it. Consider what they would find funny or interesting. You don’t want to post things for them; however, you want to take into consideration that their internet style might be different from yours. Take a look at their posts and the things they like to get an idea of their online interests and style. For example, if they write a lot of posts about bands they like and you share a band you like in common, you can post one of their music videos or the lyrics from one of their songs with a comment about why you like it. Stay true to yourself. Only post things that you genuinely like and are a part of who you are. It can come off fake if you are posting about things you haven’t shown an interest in before.

Make a comment on one of their posts. You should make a comment on a post that they write early after it has been posted. If you write the comment early, they will be more likely to respond. Look for things that they are into that is a common interest you share, like your music taste, love of food, love of movies, etc.. Consider praising the post, asking a question about it, or commenting about something you find interesting about it. For example, if they write a post about going to a show, you can respond “I am so jealous you got to see them! Did you think they were good live?” Hopefully your comments will spark a chain of comments back and forth. If this happens, you should send them a message asking them how they are doing or extending the conversation. Say “Hey, I am enjoying our conversation. How have you been? Are there any other bands you have been listening to lately that I should check out?”

Invite them to an event through Facebook or Google+. Follow the inline citations to learn how to create an event on either platform. You can either create an event, or you can invite them to an event you are attending. For example, if you are going to a music festival that you think they would like, invite them to the event. There are several events that are open invite. You can send them an invitation by going to the page of the event and sending the invite from that page. Or if you and your friends are throwing a Halloween party, for example, make an event for it and invite them. After you invite them, you should send them a follow up message saying hello and telling them about the event. Say something like, “Hey, my friends and I are having a Halloween party and I was thinking it would be great to see you again. Are you free for Halloween?” If they cannot come to the event, use the event as an opportunity to continue messaging them. Ask her about how things have been going, and start a conversation with them.

Send them an instant message, a message through social media, or an email message. Whichever way that you decide to reach out to them, you can follow the same tactic as writing a comment. Send her a message with a praise, talk about some common ground that you have, or ask her a question. Send a message that praises them for something they have recently done or accomplished. For example, if they recently finished a program or got a new pet, for example, send them a message saying congratulations, and then ask her how they have been lately. Talk about something that you share in common. For example, if they did a hike recently and you also like to go hiking, send them a message that says something like “I saw that you went on a hike to Palm Canyon. I was just there a couple of months ago and really enjoyed the waterfalls- did you like the trail?”. Ask them a question about something they have posted. Say something like “I saw the pictures you posted of you surfing- what kind of board do you have? I love surfing and go every chance I get.”

Texting or Calling Them

Send them a text bringing up a connection that you share. Remind them of something that connected you in the past to test the waters. Be confident in your connection, and you can ask them a question related to your question as well. For example, you could say, “Hey, I saw the Lakers play yesterday, and I remember how you like them. How have you been? Did you see the game??” EXPERT TIP John Keegan John Keegan Dating Coach John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health. John Keegan John Keegan Dating Coach Our Expert Agrees: Calling a person out of the blue can be too much pressure for some people. Instead, send a text about something that reminded you of them or something you have in common. Your initial contact should have softness and lightness and not the full force of your feelings.

Be direct in your text, and tell them you have been thinking about them. You can still bring up a connection that you have without having to give a reason behind why you texted. However, don’t bring up anything heavy from the past to break the ice. Say something like, “Hey, I have been thinking about you lately and all of our fun conversations last summer. How have you been?”

Send them a text that is funny or silly. Because studies show that girls like guys more if they find them funny, humor is always a smart way to go when you are talking with girls. You can reference an inside joke that you had or ask her a question as a joke. For example, say something silly like “How long has it been since we ate that giant tamale?”

Keep your text conversation going. After you have broke the ice, you can ask them questions about how they have been and respond with interest. Try to approximately match the length of texts that they send you and wait time. For example, don’t text them back within a minute with three texts if they answered you with a line or two of text a couple of hours after you texted. Ask follow up questions like, “I didn’t know that you were working at a new restaurant. That’s cool! How do you like it?”

Suggest getting together to catch up more. If they have been responding to your texts with friendly texts back, you should ask them if they want to get together and catch up in person. If you ask them to get together, suggest an activity that you two could do together.

Make new connections with them. Instead of doing what you have done before, try doing new things and going to new places. If you usually get together and eat, for example, try going somewhere new. Go to a new neighborhood to eat, or make food at your house.

Talking to Them

Think about where you will see them. Maybe you are not trying to go out of your way to see your crush, but you share a friend group and want to be friendly and cool with them- you can use these steps to help create a good connection with them. Or if you want to get into contact with your old crush and you can’t or don’t want to contact them directly, hang out with the mutual friends you have, and go to events they will probably be at. You can call your friends and ask them about the events and parties that are coming up and then attend those events. Or if you know they go to certain church activities, for example, you can start attending those activities again. Don’t use your friends to get to your crush. For example, when you hang out with your friends, be there to have a good time with them first, and consider seeing your crush second. That way if it doesn’t work out, you will still have a good time, and you won’t mistreat your friends.

Go up and say hi, and tell them you want to talk. When you first see each other, make sure you acknowledge them. If you see them across the room, give them a smile, and a friendly wave or greeting. If it doesn’t seem like a good time to talk, tell them “It is great to see you! I want to talk to you. Can you give me a minute?” You can finish doing what you are doing, and let them finish doing what they are doing, too. Giving yourself a minute will help you compose yourself and can add a good element of anticipation for your conversation. Think about an interesting topic of conversation or something that you can ask them about as an ice breaker before you walk up and talk to them. For example, you can make an observation about the party you are at by saying something like, “I like that they really made sure that all of our chip needs are met at this party.” Then gesture to a table covered in 10 different types of chips.

Start a conversation with them. Once they are free to talk, start a conversation. If you are somewhere where it is difficult to talk, ask them, “Do you want to find a better place to talk?” Look for somewhere quiet and relaxed where you sit down and catch up uninterrupted.

Tell them you are happy to see them. If you two have any awkward history together, break through that barrier by expressing your positive feelings at seeing them again. Once you two are settled, show them that you are happy to see them again by smiling, making eye contact, and simply saying “I am happy to see you.” Being positive and direct will make you seem confident and can help overcome any weirdness either of you might feel at the start of the conversation.

Ask them genuinely how they have been. Use your tone of voice and hand gestures to show them that you are interested in hearing about them. This will make you seem confident and happy to talk to her again. It can be a little less intimidating if you ask them how they are doing now because having to recount everything that has happened since the last time you saw each other might require a lot of explanation. Say something like, “I’d love to her how you are doing now.” Or you can start by saying what you remember of what they were doing last. For example, you can say “If I remember right, the last time we talked you were…” Avoid talking about anything awkward or difficult things from the past. If the conversation progresses that way naturally, you can talk about deeper topics, but at the beginning of the conversation you want to keep it light and positive.

Ask them follow up questions. When they tell you how their life has been, listen attentively by making eye contact, nodding along with what they say, restating their main ideas and asking them relevant questions. For example, if they say they have been having a hard week, ask them what has been going on that has made their week hard.

Tell them interesting things that have been going on with you. Think of positive, funny or lighter stories that will give them an idea of what you have been up to lately. Consider talking about topics that you know they are interested in. For example, if they love marine biology, you can say “I went on a trip with my school recently to Catalina Island, and we had a blast snorkeling.” Mirror or match their energy level and body language in conversation. For example, if they are talking energetically and using lots of body language, use lots of body language in response and laugh often. Or if they seem a little more reserved, you can talk quieter and give them more physical distance. Don’t copy their gestures; however, do go for a similar level of energy.

Ask them if you can hang out again. After you feel like you have had a chance to catch up and made a good connection in your conversation, tell them you really liked talking and ask them about getting together again. After you have finished laughing about something, for example, you can say “I really liked talking with you again. We should get together again and continue catching up.”

Pay attention to their response. If they seem interested in going out with you, make sure you have their correct contact information, and arrange to get together to do something in the near future. If they are ambiguous about whether they can hang out again, don’t push it. It is better to let them tell you when they are free. Sometimes people may be nervous in the moment and may come off uninterested, and at other times, they are sending you a message that they are not interested. Send them a follow up message or text to find out which is the case. For example, if they say something like “I don’t know, I’m going to be busy for a while.” You can say, “No problem, it was really good catching up with you. I’m glad we got the chance.”

Follow up with a text or message. If you got their information and you are going to get together soon, you should send a follow up text sometime in the next couple of days that says something like “It was really good catching up- I am excited to hang out again.” If they seemed like maybe they wanted to hang out again, then follow up with a simple message or text that says “It was really awesome catching up with you- let me know if you want to get together sometime.” This kind of text is low pressure while also getting across that you are interested in hanging out more.