Complimenting a Crush
Pick the right spot. Your compliment might not be welcome if the setting is wrong. Inside the office, at a professional meeting, in the classroom, and even out to lunch with colleagues are inappropriate situations to tell a girl that she is pretty. Doing so in these circumstances will put the girl on the spot and could embarrass her, which is not what you want to do. A compliment could also seen as inappropriate if you are on strictly professional terms, either by her or by co-workers and friends. It may also violate your workplace’s sexual harassment policy. Telling a stranger on the street that she is pretty walks a fine line with harassment and will probably not be welcomed. Cat-calling and whistling are also not OK. The words might be on the tip of your tongue, but think first. Make sure it is the right time and place.
Try to be familiar with the girl. It is important that you have had some interaction with the girl who you are telling, even if you have just exchanged a few smiles in the past. This way she will have a degree of comfort with you before you tell her she is pretty. Your compliment might go awry if you do not know the girl well. She may consider it out of the blue and “creepy.” If you can, get to know her a bit. Exchange small talk or pleasantries before class or at the water cooler. If you are bolder and work together, try sitting at the same table as her over lunch in order to introduce yourself. Make some small talk. Use other social situations to get to know her. It is easier to tell a girl she is pretty after you’ve spent some time together and are on friendly terms. For example, you could talk while waiting for the bus before or after school, at office parties, or during group projects.
Plan what you intend to say beforehand. Without a plan for what to say when you approach a pretty girl, it is possible that you will stumble over your words, appear confused, and generally seem awkward. This is not the impression you want to make. By planning what you want to say and how to say it, you will be better able to handle the situation and come off as confident and smooth. Think about how you want to initially approach the girl and begin your conversation. Think about what makes the girl pretty in your eyes, and plan on sharing this with her in a gentle way. Avoid long-winded speechifying. Keep it short, sweet, and to-the-point.
Make your move. A simple "hello" will do to begin a conversation. You can then follow this up with a few questions about her, her day, and her plans. Starting with small talk will help you be more confident with the girl, and the girl be more confident with you. Stay calm and be yourself. Don’t try to put on a false face or you might come across as insincere. Even worse, the girl may think you are joking. Pay attention to body language when talking. Make sure that you look her in the eyes instead of elsewhere. This will show her that you are engaged and interested in her and the conversation. Do not lean towards her in an aggressive way, but stand back in a relaxed manner. Try to read her body language, as well. If she faces you or leans in slightly, it means that she is engaged in the conversation and may be interested. Try not to fear rejection. Tell yourself that you have little to lose if she is not interested. Besides, fear will only work against you.
Tell her that she looks pretty. There are a number of ways to do this after you have had some initial conversation. What is critical is that you do not blurt out your compliment in the middle of the conversation. Instead, wait for a lull in the conversation. Try something like “You look very pretty this evening” or “I just wanted to say that you look pretty tonight.” It is usually good to go with simplicity. You might also try to be original and plan your own lines. “I’ve always thought you have lovely eyes” or an indirect “Have you done something new with your hair? It is very pretty the way that it frames your face.”
Build on your initial compliment. If the girl responds well to your compliment, consider continuing with a bit more flattery. Draw attention to the little things that you find beautiful about her. Perhaps it is her eyes, her eyebrows or something else. Avoid sexually charged compliments. Not only does this objectify her, but it also crosses the line of good sense and decency. Be genuine with your compliments, though, and don’t go over the top. Avoid clichés, as well.
Complimenting a Female Friend
Be mindful of setting. A passing compliment to a female friend, work colleague, or peer on her dress or appearance might be fine in a professional setting. However, you again need to be mindful of the context and also your mutual level of comfort. It is best to be close friends with the girl before you compliment her on looks, in order to avoid possible misunderstand or complication. Schools and workplaces nowadays are careful about maintaining a safe environment and don’t take kindly to sexual harassment. Sexual harassment is any “unwelcome sexual advances, requests for sexual favors, and other verbal or physical harassment of a sexual nature.” Your compliment might be friendly and good-intentioned, but could be perceived as unwelcome or aggressive by another. Be sure that your friend is comfortable with you.
Keep it casual and gentle. Avoid misunderstanding by all means possible. Make sure that your friend realizes that you are just offering her a nice, friendly, brotherly compliment and doesn’t think that you are interested in more. Tone and body language are key. Make sure that your tone is casual and gentle when paying the compliment. Consider complimenting her in an indirect way – a way that says she is pretty without necessarily directly referencing her appearance. It is also important that your body language is non-aggressive. Don’t lean in too much and respect her personal space. Don’t move in too closely, in other words.
Pay her the compliment. Let the compliment come out naturally in the course of conversation. Say, “I like your new sweater. You look very pretty in it” or “You’re looking very lovely and in high spirits today!” After paying her the compliment, proceed about your normal activities and continue working. A compliment that does not focus directly on appearance might be something like “You light up the room with your smile.”
Complimenting a Girl You Are Dating
Keep those compliments coming. If you are already in a relationship with the target girl, then you should be sure to keep the stream of compliments flowing. Don’t take it for granted that she knows you consider her pretty. She will appreciate hearing it every now and then – and the more the better. “You are so beautiful/cute/pretty/lovely” will always work. Or, alternately, call her a goddess or say something like, “You are as pretty as you are smart.” Focus on different outfits, as well. When your girlfriend wears a new outfit, tell her how good she looks in it.
Be creative. Think of different ways to compliment your girlfriend once a day. When you are in a relationship, simply telling your girlfriend she is pretty may grow stale. Fortunately, there are a number of other ways to pay her compliments. Compliment her on looks, but also on her personality, her dress, her scent, and her grooming. Trying saying in you next conversation, “You are right! You’re so smart.” Try more general compliments that reflect how happy you are with her, like “I'm so lucky to have a pretty girl like you” or "You make me so happy.” Compliment her in new and different ways. Try making her a playlist of songs that have meaning for the two of you, for example. Everyone's love language is different.
Back up your words with actions. Words go even better with gestures. Every once and a while, for instance, bring your girlfriend a random gift to back up all the compliments you have been paying her. She will remember your thoughtfulness. You can try also leaving a note, sending her a random text message and/or posting a comment on her facebook or instagram page, or calling her unexpectedly. Use your imagination.
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