New Delhi: I bare my heart out on a topic, us, the women of India, have often had to confront at some point in our lives. A dichotomy the familiar words "You Are A Girl" meant to protect us, at most times said with good intentions, are actually the very words that completely dis-empower us.
You Are A Girl:
1. Do not be seen with many boys.
2. Do not react if a man harasses/abuses you.
3. Do not go out post sunset.
4. Do not wear short clothes, why tempt?
5. Do not speak your mind, its disrespect.
6. Do not speak about sex,do not even think about sex .
Well, the list doesn't stop here does it...
You Are A Girl, therefore
You can't do this job.
Enjoying nightlife is a crime.
Think about what people will say.
Your husband/elders won't take orders from you.
You Are A Girl - what will society say
All our Relationships are all defined for us in 3 simple words: YOU ARE A GIRL
But the one very crucial point that society fails to realise and understand is that these very rules and this 'PSEUDO safety' is actually what makes the world UNSAFE for us.
Our society teaches men to dominate, pressure and disrespect us and treat us as lesser beings. From childhood men observe the different rules subconsciously fed into their minds. So often we hear "Women are weak" hence they must be protected. Or then how about these statements about our safety- "we should be covered and stay indoors" or "these 'modern girls are characterless" and then of course we have the absolute gems.
"Women should be pure, if she's had a boyfriend she's tainted." or how about this one "Today, modern women are actually aping western culture".
And this one by a Yoga baba, "actresses/celebrities are promiscuous." Pearls of wisdom, aren't they.
I have attended weddings where foreigners are invited to perform and instructed to wear short clothes but the ladies of the house are fully covered from head to toe, segregated from the men.
Bikinis, Crop tops, off shoulder outfits are labelled as cheap but backless Cholis, low waist lehengas/sarees and tight fitted churidars and kurtas are all welcomed as fashion!
In fact, some of the best hospitals and top doctors even today still ask women if they are married or unmarried as opposed to asking the obvious question "Are you sexually active".
A man in several relationships is branded as a 'stud' by the same society and ladies are termed as 'easy'.
These are the dual standards we live by today. We curb the freedom of women to be women.
Whether knowingly or unknowingly men are trained into such beliefs and thus stems the illusion that we are the weaker sex. If we dare to project strength or speak up, in many cases it is followed by aggression, hostility, frustration or abuse. We are trained into becoming timid submissive beings. And what's worse, our society, heads across all religions and our families justify it. And this justification is put under the garb of sometimes 'protecting us ' as I mentioned earlier or other times under the garb of 'morality'.
I was appalled reading some of the comments on Social Media over the recent rape in an app based cab in Delhi. 'But the girl in the cab should not have slept'. What was surprising is that many such statements came not just from men but also women. And I often wonder is it justified to sexually assault me, if I wear short clothes? Is it my mistake if I were to catch a little sleep on a vehicle? Am I and several women like me a sitting duck 'to be made impure' hence the golden words but 'you are a girl' must be the words I have to live by?
My Constitution, my holiest book, guarantees me equal rights as a woman. Why can't this not just be the dream our founding fathers dreamt but a reality made available to each one of us.
Is it not time now that we have the same rules as men, not just enshrined in a book, but practiced in everyday life,in simple tasks such as the liberty to do what we wish to? Instead of giving sermons on women's rights is it'not high time our men get used to the fact that we are living, breathing, thinking and feeling equals?
Instead of teaching a girl what to do, why can't we start teaching boys what NOT to do and the difference between what's acceptable and what's inappropriate. That it is absolutely alright for a woman to be out till she wants, to choose what she wants. Isn't it now time we let her decide her right from wrong.
And only then will every woman in my India be truly liberated, free and independent and only then will heinous crimes like rapes, acid-attacks, molestation and Female-Infanticide come down.
And that's why something my father told me is what I hope every parent, religious head and teacher will actually follow "To teach men that girls are equal first treat girls like an equal"
Yes I am a GIRL and I am an Equal!
(Monicka Vadera is a Jewelry Designer, Amateur Chef and a Passionate Indian. She can be contacted at - [email protected])
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