Looking to enjoy a life alone? Tired of seeking companionship? Follow these tips to make the most of your ability to repel the opposite sex.1. Do not wash regularly: Most of you reading this are probably nodding your head at this point, but for any beginners, bad hygiene is a must. See how far you can go without a shower, give away your toothbrush, and don’t bother changing your clothes. There are so many ways in which you benefit financially, such as saving on your water bill. Be creative with your filth — I once met a man who used his body as a plate for several months until he was admitted to the Government General Hospital for severe burns. Now that’s commitment!2. If you are looking to remain alone, it is a good idea to develop a strong dislike for other people in general, especially those of the opposite sex. Every morning, make a list of all the dangers of talking to other people before you leave, and take it with you. It is important that your fears are completely irrational, such as “everybody hates me” or “all women want to kill me.” Read it every so often until you are terrified of everyone around you; this should ensure the absolute isolation from society you desire.3. Shut all curtains, doors and windows. You should stay at home all night and day and watch TV or play computer games. Any self respecting, long-term single knows that if you have made the personal decision to never have a partner, you need to find a hobby that keeps you indoors, preferably one which people find boring, ridiculous or even creepy. Maybe you could collect stamps, or build a fort out of boxes in your front room and live in it. The possibilities are endless and the best part is, if you have been single for a long time before reading this, there is a good chance you do something like this already!There is no shame in being single. As I have illustrated, it is a choice we make. Single people are the building blocks of society. Without such sexual frustration and loneliness, no wars would be won, no inventions created. We would all be sitting with our girlfriends watching Sex and the City because “she likes it.” The Great Wall of China would have been left unbuilt if Chinese couples had been busy taking sickening Facebook photos of each other. Some people choose not to eat meat, or to abstain from alcohol. You can choose to abstain from relationships, and these tips will help you on your magical journey!
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