How to Meet Friends in a New City
Connect with friends of friends. See if any of your friends, family members, or other connections know anyone in your new city that they can set you up with. Even if this new person doesn’t become your BFF, they’ll likely be able to help you orient to your new town and feel less alone. They might invite you out and introduce you to their friends—which opens up a whole world of possibilities! Or they might point you in the direction of great cafes, bars, clubs, and other must-visit places in your new town. At the end of the day, it’s also just nice to know one person in your new city, even if it’s not a perfect match.
Get to know your neighbors. Offer a quick introduction to the people who live next door to you the first time you see them—and then make a practice of saying hello every time you pass them after that. Getting to know the people who live around you will help you feel more connected to your new community. You could introduce yourself with a phrase like, “Hi there! I’m Dave, I just moved into the place next to you.” Getting to know your neighbors also includes getting to know your neighborhood by taking walks or bike rides around town, visiting local businesses and the library, and developing an understanding of what’s going on in your town, including local events and political concerns.
Chat with your coworkers. If you’re starting a new job in your new city, the workplace can be a great environment to get to know people. Even if your relationships with your coworkers don’t bloom outside of the workplace, it’s still a good idea to be friendly with the people you work with, and socializing in the workplace can still alleviate some feelings of loneliness as you work on building up your social life outside the office. Consider asking coworkers for their advice or recommendations, or offer a compliment: “Hey, Marwa, that cafe on the first floor—have you tried it? Is it any good?” “Dana, I just love your outfit. You always wear something great to work. Where do you shop around here?”
Become a regular at local spots. “Many major cities will have places where people go to be social,” says Wang. “This can be in bars, parks, at concerts, etc.” Find a cafe, bookstore, bar, park, or other public place, and make it yours. You’ll eventually get a sense of the employees and other regular patrons and can develop a rapport with them. Consider introducing yourself to the barista or bartender the first time you visit their joint: “I just moved to the area, so this is my first time at this place. What do you recommend?” Finding a place to go regularly will also help you feel more at home in your neighborhood and give you a sense of ritual, which can be grounding.
Practice chatting with strangers. If you were a wallflower back home, now is a great time to practice becoming more of a social butterfly. All it takes is a little practice! Chatting with strangers could land you a new friend—but even if it doesn’t, it’ll help you develop your socializing skills, which can help you meet people in the long term. Next time you’re out at a cafe, shop, concert, or other public place, consider walking up to someone and engaging them in a quick conversation. Offering a compliment or asking an open-ended question that requires more than a yes-or-no answer is a great way to get chitchat flowing. For instance, if you see someone wearing a T-shirt featuring a band you love, why not tell them how great their taste is and see what happens next? Maybe it’ll be nothing—or maybe you’ll walk away with a friend. Wang advises: "If you are shy, that’s OK, but the important thing is for the conversation to not be lopsided. One side can’t be feeling they are talking too much or too little, or asking all the questions or being asked all the questions."
Live with someone. Find a roommate (or roommates) to share an apartment with in your first year to help you acclimate to the area. If you move in with someone who’s been in the city for a long time, they may be able to help you get oriented to your new town. If you move in with someone who’s also new to the area, you can be each other’s buddies and explore the area together. But even if you and your roomie don’t form a tight bond, it can at least be comforting to have one person you see every day as you get used to your new life.
Get (or borrow) a dog. Nothing attracts new friends like a cute animal. If you have a dog, taking them places with you is a surefire way to get strangers to come up to you and tell you how much they love them, creating a great opening for you to start chatting. And if they have pets, too, it’s an easy topic to bond over. “This is my pup, Vera. She and I are both new to the area and would love to make friends with other dog lovers!” “You have a dog, too? Can I ask what vet you go to? We’re new to town, so I’m shopping around. I’d love to get your contact info if you have any more recommendations!” Of course, don’t adopt an animal just to meet people—but if you were considering it anyway, or if you already have a furry friend, meeting people is an added bonus.
Join a club. Meeting up with other like-minded folks regularly to engage in an activity you’re passionate about is the perfect way to make friends. “Finding hobbies and events that are social in nature will help you meet new people by sheer exposure,” says Wang. “Finding common ground through interests and activities will then help you solidify the bond with new friends!” Whether it’s a political or religious group, a book club, an art collective, or what have you, consider joining a club or organization in order to expand your social network. If you were already involved in a club in your old town, see if they’ve got a chapter in your new city, or if they can recommend a similar group.
Take up a sport. Sports aren’t just fun ways to move your body and engage your competitive spirit; they’re perfect opportunities to meet and bond with other people. Wang observes that it’s “easier to actually engage with people…when you are already doing something together, like a common activity. For example, this can include joining yoga classes, dance classes, running clubs, book clubs, pickup soccer, etc.”
Join a Facebook group or subreddit. Facebook groups and subreddits dedicated to your city (e.g., “r/pittsburgh” or “r/astoria”) are great ways to meet people in your neighborhood without having to leave your house (yet), as well as get the skinny on what’s going on in your town, including the best places to check out for a newbie. People may also be willing to meet up and hang out!
Use a mobile app to connect with people. Apps aren’t just for dating (although you can do that in a new city, too)—there are loads of apps designed to help you meet new friends and make lasting connections with people in your area. While apps can help you find people, remember that the goal should be to meet some people in real life and take your conversations off the app. Try BumbleBFF to find other people looking for friends in your town. Some might be new to the area, just like you! Meet like-minded folks via Meetup, the app dedicated to helping you find your people. There are Meetups dedicated to age groups, professions, cities, hobbies—you name it! Meet hot singles on Bumble, Tinder, or Hinge and use your dates as opportunities to explore your new city.
Volunteer for a cause you find meaningful. Getting involved with an organization that’s doing work you believe in is the perfect way to meet people with shared interests and values. Whether it’s a shelter for unhoused people, a prison abolition group, or your local food bank, there are countless ways to give back to your town—and get friendship in return!
Don’t be afraid to make the first move. Growing up, you might have made lasting friendships just by being shoved into a classroom together, but as an adult, it’ll probably take a little more intentionality. “The most important thing…is to take the initiative to put yourself out there,” says Wang. “No matter how outgoing you are, if you’re at home on the couch watching Netflix, nothing is going to happen.” Making the first move means accepting you might be rejected sometimes—and that’s OK! Not only that, it’s totally normal, and it’s probably not personal, even if it feels personal.
Say “yes” to (almost) everything. Seize any opportunity to socialize, meet new people, or just try something new that comes your way (well, within reason, anyway). It can be tempting to skip happy hour with your coworkers and go home to your cozy couch after work instead, and trying out for a play may force you to get further out of your comfort zone than you’d like. But saying “yes” to opportunities the universe throws your way is the best way to open yourself up to the possibility of meeting new friends and thoroughly experiencing your new city. Plus, the more times you say "yes," the more often you'll be invited to things. Of course, don’t just say “yes” indiscriminately; also trust your gut. If someone invites you out and you aren’t up for it or don’t feel a connection to them, don’t feel like you have to say yes just to make a friend.
Be patient. Meeting new people takes time, so try not to feel too discouraged if it doesn’t seem to be happening as quickly as you’d hoped. You might find a BFF right off the bat—but more likely than not, you’ll chat with a lot of people you don’t connect with in order to find a few you do. Or you may have to chat with someone a few times in order to really get to know them. Even if it feels like you haven’t found “your people” after a few months or even a year, remember that all the connections you make during this time, even the seemingly small ones, are helping you establish roots and a sense of belonging in your new city. If you’ve already hung out once, Wang says, “try to take the initiative to suggest hanging out again or doing an activity together. If the other person seems down, then it is easy to make plans. But there are also people who seem interested verbally, but do not follow up in their actions. In this case, actions probably speak louder than words.” EXPERT TIP Amiccio Amiccio Social Events Host Amiccio is a Social Events organization based in New York, New York. Amiccio hosts social events to help people make new connections, whether they are new to the city, or just wish to expand beyond their existing social network. Amiccio’s efforts focus on connecting singles and new friends by hosting socials, dance classes, and speed dating events. Amiccio Amiccio Social Events Host There are tons of ways to make friends as an adult. Even if you don't have the social structure of school or a new workplace, you do have life experience and existing relationships to build off of. You can meet people through existing friends, relationships, activities, and hobbies.
Is it normal to feel lonely after moving somewhere new?
Yes, it’s completely normal to feel lonely after moving. Even if you’re excited to move, uprooting your life can bring up complicated feelings like grief, anxiety, insecurity, or sadness—especially if you don’t know anybody in your new town. So if you’re feeling lonely after moving to a new town, rest assured you’re not alone. It can take anywhere from a few months to a few years or more to feel like you’re “at home” in a new city, so don’t worry if you don’t feel like you belong right away. It’ll take some time to build connections and feel like you’re a part of the place you live.
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