- Emotional constipation refers to a build-up of unexpressed feelings that causes negative physical and mental side effects.
- Common symptoms of emotional constipation include emotional numbness, headaches, stomach aches, isolation, and anxiety.
- The best way to treat emotional constipation is to allow yourself to feel your repressed feelings. Talk to a therapist, journal, or just let out a good cry.
What is emotional constipation?
Emotional constipation is a blockage that limits emotional expression. Bottling up or disregarding your emotions for an extended period of time (weeks, months, even years) can cause these unprocessed feelings to build up inside you. Without an outlet to be released, these built-up emotions can become overwhelming and cause physical and mental stress on your body. Many psychologists refer to this discomfort as “emotional constipation.” Like regular constipation, emotional constipation can have additional mental and physical side effects.
Signs of Emotional Constipation
Headaches Emotional stress is a common trigger for headaches and migraines. Since emotions activate your nervous system, a constant stream of intense, unreleased feelings can cause your neural networks to clog up. When your nerves jam, the blood vessels surrounding your skull then become sensitive, which causes tension. In addition to being painful in their own right, stress headaches and migraines can cause dizziness, nausea, and oversensitivity to light and sound.
Emotional Numbness When you’re emotionally numb, things that once made you feel joy, sadness, or anger now don’t seem to have any effect on you. Oftentimes, if you’re emotionally constipated, you may feel emotionally numb or indifferent to everything altogether, since your emotional processing has gotten out-of-whack due to inactivity. One way you may act emotionally numb is to become ‘monoemotional,’ which means you have the same emotional reaction to everything. For example, you may feel frustrated or resentful regardless of what you’re doing: in traffic, at work, with friends, or at a comedy show. All of it makes you angry.
InsomniaInsomnia can be caused by stress or trauma. If you’re experiencing insomnia, you may have difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep, or you might not feel recharged even after a good night’s rest. This could be a sign that you’re experiencing emotional constipation. Symptoms of insomnia can also manifest during the day. If you have trouble remembering or focusing on things you used to be alert for, this may be an issue with your Circadian rhythm.
Anxiety Having so many bottled-up feelings inside you can be exhausting and emotional exhaustion often manifests itself in the form of anxiety. Common symptoms of anxiety include sweating, an increased heart rate, fatigue, or difficulty concentrating. If you’re experiencing any of these, you may be emotionally constipated. Pent-up anxiety may release itself in the form of panic attacks. If you feel yourself panicking, help calm your nerves by finding a quiet, controlled area, taking some deep breaths, and reminding yourself that this is your anxiety talking. This feeling of doom isn’t real or serious.
Emotional Outbursts If you notice yourself having intense, over-the-top reactions to small things, this may be a side effect of emotional constipation. You may have a tantrum due to unwashed dishes or start sobbing at a pretty sunset because your emotions have been building in intensity and explosiveness is the only way your body knows how to release them. If you’d like to get your emotional outbursts under control, try expressing your feelings with “I feel” statements whenever you have a reaction to something. Using your words can keep you grounded while still allowing you to get in touch with your emotional vulnerabilities. For example, you might say “I feel angry at your unwashed dishes because I’ve had a long day and this chore adds more stress. Please take care of your plate” or “I feel moved by this sunset. Seeing something so beautiful is extraordinary but offputting.”
Stomach Aches Emotional constipation causes stress and, when you’re stressed, you release stress-regulating hormones like cortisol into your bloodstream. Too much cortisol can erode the lining of your digestive system, which can negatively impact your gut and bowel movements. This hurts your stomach and leads to gastrointestinal distress. Other stomach issues caused by stress include heartburn, acid reflux, cramping, bloating, and digestive constipation.
Binge Eating When we don’t have a healthy outlet for our emotional stress, we seek comfort in other areas, like food. When you’re emotionally distressed, you may find yourself eating unusually large amounts of food in a short time, eating until you're uncomfortably full, or eating most of your food in secret. This stress may be a sign of emotional constipation. If you feel like you may be struggling with binge eating, the first step to stopping is to tell a doctor or loved one. Remember: diets fluctuate, and you have nothing to feel bad about. Feeling ashamed will only prevent you from getting the help you need.
Doomscrolling Also referred to as ‘doomsurfing,’ doomscrolling involves a constant scrolling of social media and online sources of information to keep up with the latest news, especially when the news is bad. While doomscrolling has negative side effects like anxiety, catastrophizing, and loss of hope, the constant stream of information and activation of your flight-or-fight response serves as a validator for the stress caused by emotional constipation. One of the best ways to stop doom scrolling is to take a social media break for a few weeks and set a screen time limit on your online apps.
Restless Leg Syndrome RLS (restless leg syndrome) is often defined by an overwhelming urge to move your legs. Other symptoms include a throbbing, aching, or itching sensation throughout your lower body throughout the day. If you’re dealing with emotional constipation, this stress and onslaught of feelings may aggravate your RLS, and these irresistible impulses may make it hard to carry out certain daily activities.
Loss of Empathy Empathy is the emotional and cognitive response to other people’s feelings that helps us relate to them, and share their joy or pain. If you constantly restrain or ignore your own emotions, that cognitive response may start to shut down over time and you may lose your reactivity to other people’s feelings. In fact, your tolerance for other people’s emotions may decrease and you may start to see others as “too sensitive.” You can slowly rebuild your empathy by spending more time actively listening to your loved ones, volunteering for projects that help other people (charities, non-profits, etc.), or simply reading books that expose you to new perspectives.
Social Isolation Having so many emotions all itching to get out can make social interactions feel exhausting. If you’re not ready to face your or other people’s emotions, you may self-isolate as a defense mechanism. Unfortunately, isolation only provides a temporary solution to this problem. In the long term, isolation can cause other issues like loneliness and agoraphobia. You can combat self-isolation and loneliness by spending more time with friends or joining new clubs and groups in your community.
Depression Depression often feels like an apathetic dissociation from the world around you. This dissociation can then trigger other problematic symptoms like lack of energy, reduced appetite, and feelings of emptiness. The emotional numbness associated with emotional constipation is also associated with depression. Without a cathartic release for all your feelings, you can become bored or apathetic to the world around you. Luckily, depression is totally normal and extremely treatable. Help combat your depression by reaching out to loved ones for help, maintaining healthy habits like rest and exercise, and using positive thinking patterns to fight negativity.
What causes emotional constipation?
If you feel guilty for expressing feelings, you’re likely to bottle them in. Unfortunately, there’s still a lot of stigma around expressing emotions freely. Anger, disappointment, and sadness are classified as “negative” and openly sharing these feelings can make you seem hostile. In addition, if you express intimacy or affection, it may not be reciprocated. This fear of judgment can cause you to feel shame for your feelings and prevent you from processing them healthily. However, expressing your emotions is nothing to be ashamed of. Anybody who judges you for simply having feelings is not worth your time. Emotions are physiological and mental responses. Would you judge somebody for sweating when it’s hot out? Of course not!
If you weren’t taught to process feelings, that can catch up with you. Emotional awareness is a learned skill. If you weren’t taught to process how you feel, identify triggers, and question your opinions earlier in life, you may not have the skills to handle your feelings in a healthy way. This can cause you to be afraid of your emotions and, as a defense mechanism, you may ignore them or pretend they don’t exist, which leads to emotional constipation. It’s never too late to start building your emotional awareness. Tap into your emotions by paying attention to your body. Look for signs of fear like increased heart rate and sweaty palms or signs of joy like smiles and increased energy. In addition, observe how your emotions impact your behavior. For example, feeling nervous or scared may cause you to withdraw while feeling angry may cause you to raise your voice and become more confrontational.
If you have PTSD, you may be more likely to experience emotional constipation. If you’ve been traumatized by a repulsive, fatal, or melancholic event in the past, you may be suppressing the emotions associated with that event as a defense mechanism. However, it’s not really possible to only block some emotions. By refusing to deal with certain feelings, you risk disregarding your feelings altogether, which causes emotional blockage. PTSD can be tough, but remember, you’re not alone. There are several healthy ways you can cope and begin rebuilding your life. Reach out to a professional to get a proper diagnosis and lean on your loved ones on days you feel particularly vulnerable.
Stress may cause you to delay emotional responses. Day-to-day stresses like work projects, family responsibilities, and upcoming social obligations may create an environment where it’s not optimal to feel a certain way. For example, crying in the middle of an important meeting may be inappropriate (even if you’re sad). While it’s normal to push emotions to the side temporarily, disregarding them without dealing with them at all can cause them to build up inside you. Tryjournaling for 15 minutes each day to write down everything that happened and how it made you feel. This way, you can still regulate your feelings when necessary, but you have a healthy outlet to express them at a reasonable pace. Your journal doesn’t have to be super detailed. It can be as simple as writing “Fight with husband. Made me feel neglected. Neglect makes me sad. Made dinner. Tasted yummy. Knowing I could make delicious food made me feel happy and independent. More tomorrow.”
How to Treat Emotional Constipation
Cry your feelings out. Oftentimes, the best way to feel less overwhelmed is to let out a good cry. Spend some time alone and focus hard on recent experiences where you fought against having an emotional reaction. As you remember those emotions this time around, let them pass over you naturally, at their own pace. If the tears start to flow, let them! If you want to cry, you can use tearjerkers to help you get in touch with sad feelings. Play emotional music, watch a sad movie, or look at old pictures that trigger intense memories for you. Crying not only helps you release pent-up emotions. It has lots of other health benefits like stress relief, mood/energy increase, and even the removal of harmful toxins.
Try some emotionally cathartic activities. Emotional catharsis is the healthy expression of feelings in their rawest form. Catharsis allows for the release of pent-up emotions and the subsequent stress they cause. There are a lot of exercises you can do to help you achieve catharsis like: Journaling and write down intense feelings as they come to you. Exercising physically to reduce the tension in your mind and body. Screaming into a pillow or making other loud noises to get feelings of anger, frustration, and sadness flowing. Performing yoga and breathwork to exhale negative stress and emotions.
Talk to a therapist or counselor. Reach out to a mental health professional if you need guidance on processing and expressing your emotions in a controlled way. They can offer tools, advice, and insight into why you may be experiencing emotional blockage (past experiences, family patterns, etc.) In addition, having an expert you can trust can help you feel less exposed when sharing your vulnerabilities. Remember: therapy sessions are what you make them. The more willing you are to talk about what you’re going through, the more transformative your meetings will feel.
Perform a letting go ritual that symbolizes release. Part of why you may be struggling to process your emotions is that emotions are inherently abstract and intangible. Try performing a ceremony where you assign physical symbols and objects to your emotions. Getting rid of these objects can then can physicalize your emotions and make releasing them more concrete. You might: Write a letter to someone who hurt you, including all of the harrowing emotional experiences they put you through. You can then burn the letter alongside people you love. Write your emotions on the ground in chalk. Then, pour water over what you wrote to symbolize cleansing and those emotions being washed away.
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