Asking a Guy on a Date
Find something you both enjoy doing. If you are already talking to the guy you want to hang out with, ask him about his interests. Use your knowledge about what he does for extracurriculars or as hobbies and incorporate them into your hangout. For example, if he likes sports, go bowling or play a recreational game if possible. If he likes books, hang out and learn together in a library or bookstore. Even if you aren’t fully interested in his hobbies, open your mind to new experiences. You may find you enjoy it more than you thought!
Ask him in person. Find a private time where you aren’t surrounded by other coworkers or students, and stay relaxed and confident as you approach him. Talking to him directly will show your interest in bonding with him and he will give you an immediate response to the offer. Ask him after class, work, or when you run into one another.
Text him if you’re too nervous to do it in person. Send a message over text or through a messaging app. Ask him if he would be interested in hanging out with an open-ended question to gauge his interest, or send a message with a specific time and date so he can easily answer yes or no. You can also send a text message if you’re embarrassed to ask him while other people are around. Send him messages like “Do you want to go get a coffee sometime?” or “Would you like to come bowling with me this Saturday?” This will help him see that you’re interested in bonding with him.
Gauge his interest by asking an open-ended question. This will help you determine if he wants to hang out with you at some point in the future. If he says yes, make sure you follow through by asking him when he is free so you can work out the details. Ask him questions like, “Would you like to get coffee sometime?” or use statements like, “We should get together outside of class/work soon.” You can add more specific details to your questions like, “Do you want to get lunch one of these weekends?” This adds more specificity and urgency while still leaving it open-ended. Keep in mind that if a meeting is scheduled in advance, it's usually considered a date and not a casual hang out.
Tell him exactly what you want to do to make his decision easier. Be as detailed as possible while explaining the plans you want to do with him. Mention times and days you want to hang out so he can answer yes or no immediately. Ask something like “Do you want to grab something to eat for dinner this Friday?” or “There’s a concert next Monday at 7. Do you want to come with me?” Lead the conversation with your plans. Asking a guy if he’s free on a specific day without mentioning what you plan on doing makes it hard for him to determine if he’s interested. Reader Poll: We asked 1029 wikiHow readers about which first date they’d like to go on the most, and only 8% said going rock climbing. [Take Poll] So, suggesting a more casual activity, like grabbing coffee or seeing a show, might be more fun for him.
Don’t put pressure on him to say yes. Phrase your invitation in a casual way so he can make a yes or no decision without feeling guilty. Pressuring a guy into hanging out could come across as needy or desperate. Don’t use phrases like, “It would mean the world to me if you came,” or “I’ll be sad if you say no.” Instead, use a confident tone that shows you care, but be understanding if he can’t make it.
Accept rejection if he says no. Listen carefully to the reason he says no so you understand what he’s going through. It may just be a busy time in his life. Don’t look sad in front of him or he may feel guilty about turning down your offer. Instead, tell him that you both could try another time to keep the option open. If you try multiple times to ask him to hang out and he says no, he may truly not be interested or be too busy and you should move on. If he wants to pursue hanging out again, let him initiate the conversation.
Hanging out as Friends
Use casual, non-flirty language while asking him to hang out. Don’t try to ask him to hang out in a cute way that may send the wrong message. Be direct with what you want to do while you hang out and don’t act desperate or needy since this could be read the wrong way. Ask him something like “Do you want to come with me to get lunch?” or “Would you like to grab a coffee on Thursday?” This way he knows what you want to do and you’re not flirting with him.
Invite mutual friends if you don’t want to send the wrong message. If you want to stay casual, talk to a group of friends to do a large event. This will help you ease into hanging out together as friends. If he’s shy, he may be more open to hanging out with a group rather than have a one-on-one experience. Use a group text or message to easily communicate with one another and figure out everyone’s schedule. Talk to the guy you want to hang out with in person as well as through the group chat. Have a night where you play board games or go out to dinner all together. This allows you to have fun and talk.
Do something casual in a public place. Look for coffee shops or public events taking place in your area using Facebook. If this is your first time hanging out with him, find a place where you’ll be able to hold a conversation and get to know each other better. Avoid seeing a movie since it’s not a place where you can talk. Check with your local museums to see if they offer free days or have any specials. Hanging out at your home may send the wrong message if you’re only looking to be friends.
Tell him that you don’t want it to be a date if he doesn’t get the hint. If the guy still thinks that he’s on a date, let him know in a polite way that won’t hurt his feelings. Be direct with him so he understands completely. Use phrases like “I’m just looking to be friends” or “I’m not looking for anyone to date right now” so he doesn’t feel upset.
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