Chatting with Her on Messenger
Talk about mutual interests. Chances are you want to talk to this girl on Facebook because there’s something you like about her. Talk about your mutual interests to connect with her on a deeper level. You could say, “I saw you’re wearing a Ramones T-shirt in your profile photo. I love them too. What’s your favorite album?”
Ask her about herself. Most people enjoy talking about themselves, and everyone appreciates a good listener. Ask the girl questions to get to know her better.Asking Friendly QuestionsCheck out her profile for things she likes. Look for places she’s been, bands, movies, or sports she likes, or foods she enjoys. Think about questions you could ask about her different interests, like “I’ve never been to Italy! What was your favorite city?” or “I’m not a huge baseball fan, but maybe you can talk me into it.”Keep your tone light and friendly. If you’re starting a conversation for the first time, begin with a friendly greeting. You could say, “Hey, this is a little random, but I saw you posted a picture from Yosemite and I’ve been wanting to go for forever! How was it?”Avoid asking anything too personal. You’re still getting to know each other, so avoid talking about personal or sensitive topics, like religion, sex, politics, and money.
Keep conversations on the shorter side. In the beginning, it may make sense to keep Messenger conversations shorter rather than longer. A conversation that goes on and on may feel uncomfortable to her if you don’t know each other well. Get to know one another gradually over multiple messages to build friendship in a natural way.
Ask about an assignment or schedule to open a message. Messenger sends private messages between you and the girl you’re trying to chat with. Your messages won’t be subject to the comments and likes of other people, but it will feel a little more personal. If you’re unsure how to begin, open the conversation by asking about something perfunctory rather than personal. This doesn’t mean that a personal conversation can’t follow, but it puts less pressure on getting the conversation started. You could say, “Hey, do you know what the English homework is for tomorrow? I forgot to write it down,” or “What time does our shift at the restaurant begin tomorrow, again?”
Use a conversation starter. Conversation starters are open-ended questions that allow you to get to know someone better. These don’t have to be particularly loaded or customized. They are just to break the ice. If you’ve been writing on each other’s Facebook wall posts already, you could even follow up on something she’s posted about. Quick Conversation Starter TipsKeep it simple: Start off with an easy, relaxed greeting, like “Hey, what’s up?” Then she can decide how much she wants to say in response, which lets her feel comfortable and in control.See what she’s posted recently. Check her wall to see if she’s been up to anything that you could talk about, like seeing a popular movie or taking a cool vacation. For example, you could say, “I don’t even like country music, but that concert looked really fun!”More conversation starters: “I haven’t seen you in so long. How’ve you been?” “So, what are you up to this weekend?”“I need a movie recommendation! What have you seen lately?”
Draw on joint activities. It’s likely you and the girl you’d like to chat with know each other through something you both already do. Try talking about joint activities like classes or work you already have in common. Drawing on shared experiences will bring you closer. You could say, “I really liked that drill we did at practice today. You ran so fast!” or “That customer at the store today was hilarious. Did she really think we made cupcakes at a hot dog place?”
Respect her boundaries. If the girl you’re chatting with blocks you or asks you not to contact her anymore, respect her wishes. She may not be interested in the type of relationship you’re seeking right now.
Writing on Her Wall
Make a joke on her wall. If you don’t know the girl very well, it makes sense to first interact with her publicly on her wall. This type of interaction is a bit more casual, but whatever you say or share may be subject to the comments and likes of others, so keep that in mind. To get a conversation going, try making a good-natured joke about something she’s posted. This shows that you are engaged with what she’s interested in and that you have a sense of humor. Keep your jokes clean and don’t try to tear down any other comments with yours. If she likes or comments positively on your post, that is a good sign. You could try progressing to a private message, if she’s receptive to your wall posts.
Share pictures on her wall. Photos are a good way to reinforce a connection with someone you like. If you have photos together from a day at work or school trip, you could post them and tag her. You could also share a funny photo that is not of the two of you but appropriate to a post she makes, such as a meme, to make her laugh.Choosing the Perfect Photo and CaptionOn a funny photo: Be a little silly with your caption. You can write, “Had to share this gem of a photo,” or “We both look so great in this…”. If you’re making a funny face in the photo, say something like, “What you don’t know is that I look like this all the time!”On a cute photo: You can be sweet, and a little understated. Try something like “You look okay in this one, I guess ;)”, “This was a pretty good day…” or “Let’s do this again sometime…?”On a meme: A good meme should speak to an inside joke that you have together, or something that reminds you of her. If it’s really funny, you might not even need a caption! If you want to add one anyways, try something short like, “Couldn’t resist sharing this,” or “This reminds me of a certain someone…” It is also fine to like photos that she posts herself, but avoid bombarding her page with hearts and similar stuff. You don’t want to scare her off!
Reinforce inside jokes when possible. If you and the girl you’re trying to chat with have any inside jokes, post one on her wall. Inside jokes are good because they don’t tire out quite as easily as other jokes. Posting one (even if it was created in a larger group) will make her smile and cement a bond between you.
Be kind. In all your Facebook wall interactions, strive to be kind. It can be hard to read sarcasm online. If your tone is difficult to discern, she may interpret your posts as critical, even if that’s not how you mean them. Phrases to avoid might include, “I’m not rude; I just say what everyone else is thinking.”
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