How to Deal With People Who Ignore You

• Invite the person to talk privately if you think they're upset with you. Ask them what's wrong and apologize, if necessary.
• Let it go if you don't know the person well. They may be going through something in their personal life or they're just a rude person.
• Seek out more fulfilling relationships if friends ignore you often or treat you poorly. You deserve to be surrounded by positive people who lift you up.

Resolving the Situation

Avoid jumping to conclusions. Feeling ignored is frustrating, and it’s easy to assume the worst. Don’t assume that the other person is being malicious or intentionally giving you the cold shoulder, however. Consider alternative reasons why they might be ignoring you. For instance: They're distracted by something else, like problems at home or work. You upset them without realizing it, and they feel hurt. They just don't "click" with you, so they prefer to spend time with other people. They're keeping a secret (like a surprise party) from you, and they're worried they'll spill it if they talk to you. They feel nervous around you for some reason (like having a crush on you or being intimidated by you). They just aren't very social, and they treat everyone this way.

Reflect on your recent actions. This can be a challenge. People often don't want to admit they did something wrong, or even notice that they've done something to offend someone. Take some deep breaths and evaluate your recent interactions with them. Was there any tension? Could their feelings have been hurt? Plan for an apology if you realize you've done something wrong. Even if this person didn't behave perfectly either, it is always better to take the high road. Practice different meditating techniques if it is hard for you to reflect. If you’re having trouble viewing the situation objectively, try asking someone else who knows what’s going on and can give you an outside perspective.

Invite them to talk privately. Sometimes the best way to get to the root of the issue is to sit down with the other person and clear the air. Send them an email or a letter asking if you can get together to chat in private at a particular time and place. Pick a quiet time to talk, when both of you are free and not distracted. Meeting in private will allow you to work out any problems between you (if there are any) without the embarrassment of a public confrontation. If you're especially nervous or think it might not go well, you can ask a 3rd party (like a mutual friend, counselor, or authority figure) to hep mediate.

Be nice. If they see you making an effort, they may speak to you again. Acting rudely towards them will only create a larger, convoluted feud.

Explain your feelings. Make "I" statements to say how you feel. Non-judgmentally explain the pattern, and say how it makes you feel. Here are some examples: "Lately, when the three of us hang out, you're mostly talking with Serena while I listen. I feel left out." "Mom, I've seen you play video games with my brothers a lot. I'm glad you have good relationships with them, but sometimes I feel left out. I wish we spent more time together." "Honey, lately I've noticed that after work, you go out with friends, and don't come back until late. I miss you, and I want to spend more time with you." "Are you upset with me? I noticed that you haven't been answering my calls and texts for the last 2 weeks."

Hear them out. It's possible that they didn't realize that they were making you feel ignored, or that they're dealing with a problem you weren't aware of. Be willing to accept a reasonable explanation.

Be willing to collaborate on a solution if it's realistic. Talk about ways that both of you can adjust so that the relationship improves. Getting things out in the open, and making an agreement, can help both of you figure out how to move forward. "If I read the same book series as you, would that give the three of us something in common to talk about? Because I would be willing to do that. It does sound like a cool series." "So, what I'm hearing is that you play more with my brothers because they invite you to play games, and if I want to spend time with you, I should ask, and you will. Is that right?" "I didn't realize that I was overwhelming you. Maybe we could set aside two date nights a week for just us, and I'll go out with friends more often too, so that I don't feel lonely as often?" "I can't change my sexuality. If you aren't okay with me being gay, that's your problem, and you don't have to spend time with me anymore."

Know when to let it go. If they are unwilling to talk about it, if it's a bad time, or if it devolves into screaming or accusations, it might be time to walk away. You can revisit the topic during a better time, or re-evaluate whether the relationship is worth maintaining. "You seem pretty distracted right now. Would it be better to talk about this later today?" "I would like to have a closer relationship with you. But if that's not a priority for you, then we don't have to have this conversation." "I don't want to fight with you. Maybe we should take a break for now." "If you're going to call me names, then I'm going to leave." "Let's talk about this later, when we're both calmer."

Knowing When to Let Go

Don't take it personally. Most people come across someone who ignores them at some point in their lives. Take the power out of their rudeness by not showing that it's affecting you. Make it their problem, not yours. Recognize and accept the fact that not everyone is going to like you. Even the nicest and most popular person in the world is bound to meet people who dislike them from time to time. Sometimes, the person might be going through something that doesn't have anything to do with you at all. They might just not be ready to talk about it.

Focus on the road, not the wall. It's not always the easiest thing to do, but if you spend time working on your personal goals, this person's opinions and actions towards you won't matter. Think of them as a metaphorical wall that isn't necessarily in your way, but it's there.

Ignore them back. If the person doesn't want to associate with you for any number of reasons, then don't associate with them. By ignoring them, you might cause them to take notice of your actions. This is also a good way of keeping your cool. Even if it is tearing you up inside, this can be an effective solution over time. This doesn't mean snubbing them or being rude to them if they approach you. It's important to keep good manners, even if they aren't treating you the same way. Stay cordial.

Give them space and time. Some people simply need space from their friends. It might not seem justified, but a lot of people will ignore you if they feel like it. It can be the most painful and frustrating seat to be in, but just give it time. Let the person know it's okay if they need some time. Say something like, "I've tried reaching out a few times and I haven't heard back from you. I just want you to know I'm here for you and I hope we can talk whenever you're ready."

Don't force change. You can't always change someone's mood to being polite if they want to be rude. Sometimes it's the best option to let them figure out what they need to figure out on their own.

Building Your Self-Confidence

Set healthy boundaries with others. Setting boundaries is tough if you’re not used to doing it, but ultimately your relationships and mental health will really benefit from it. Be genuine with the people around you and let them know what you need from them and what your limits are, and you will find that it is much easier to get your needs met. Explain your boundaries clearly, and let others know what the consequences will be if those boundaries are violated. For example, if your significant other ignores you and plays on their phone whenever you go to lunch together, say something like, “I feel really ignored and unappreciated when you’re on your phone so much. If you don’t feel like spending quality time together, let me know, and I’ll make other plans for lunch.” If others in your life aren’t used to you setting boundaries with them, they might react with disappointment, surprise, or even anger at first. However, if they care about you, they should ultimately respect your boundaries.

Make a set of lists. Spend time developing 3 lists: your strengths, your achievements, and things you admire about yourself. You might want to get a trusted family member to help you with this. Keep these lists in a safe place, and read them when you're feeling down. You can also collect nice things that other people have written or said about you.

Maintain your hygiene. Make sure you are taking care of yourself. Pay particular attention to your hairstyle, your nail length, and your teeth.

Clean your living space. You'll be surprised how much of your mental health can strengthen from a clean living situation. Focus on your room itself. You could even ask someone to help you rearrange the furniture in your room.

Start a hobby. Get involved with an activity like painting, music, poetry, or dance. Working on the arts will improve your self-expression and strengthen your sense of mastery. This will translate to more positive interactions with others.

Make a contribution. Participating in a volunteer organization within your community can be a very positive experience. Making a difference builds your positive opinion of yourself.

Take time to work through your feelings. A lot of insecurities about other people arise from our self-esteem. Try to separate your feelings from the reality of the situation. This won't be easy because we're typically emotional beings, but try to see the circumstance from an unbiased opinion. You could try different writing exercises to help your ideas flow.

Seek professional help if needed. If you are having a hard time being ignored, there are people who can help. Therapists or school guidance counselors advise people in your position all the time. If you are a student, you may want to try a school guidance counselor first because they won't cost you anything.

Building Stronger Friendships

Find new, fulfilling friendships. If your friends ignore you or don’t appreciate you, it may be time to seek some new friends. Seek out supportive people who share your interests and lift you up, rather than putting you down or ignoring you. If you’re not sure where to find friends, try joining a club or organization for people whose interests are similar to yours. If you have friends who consistently ignore you, put you down, or violate your boundaries, you may need to distance yourself from those people or cut ties with them altogether.

Hold on to the friends and loved ones you have. The friends you had before you started being ignored are probably still your friends. If things feel awkward because you've been more involved with other friends, then just be honest with them. Do an activity that you both used to enjoy.

Open up to others. Share your fears, flaws, and insecurities. Being vulnerable is a difficult feeling to experience with someone, but it can create a close bond between people. You could even go back and forth telling each other difficult things from your past.

Keep multiple lines of communication open. The more avenues you have for communication, the better. It can be difficult in today's world to stay on top of all the ways we communicate. Keep a regular scan of your social media sites and your phone for your friends.

Make your contact worthwhile. It is okay to call your friend just to call your friend. Try asking for serious advice or simply share something meaningful that happened to you recently.

Make yourself available. If your friend is going through something, then you should make time for that person. No one likes a one-sided friendship. If you have plans, try to work around them or let your prior obligations know that something important has come up.