How to Find Long Lost Friends

Searching For Your Friend Using Connections

Gather information about your friend. Write down any information you can remember about your friend, including names, schools and dates of graduation, birthday and age, and names of family members.

Gather other people's memories of your friend. If your friend often visited your house when you were both young, for example, your siblings or parents might remember details that you have forgotten, such as your friend's parents' names. These details might help you to narrow down your search.

Search for your friend's relatives. Especially if you are relatively young, your friend's parents might still be alive and living in the same place. Reach out directly to them or to other relatives whose contact information you can find, and explain that you're trying to reconnect with your old friend.

Talk to people that you knew in common. Former classmates, colleagues, or mutual friends might have stayed in touch with your friend, even if you've lost contact. They might also know other people, such as siblings, who are likely to have information about your friend. Be direct about what you want. Say: “I'm trying to get in touch this friend again. Do you know how I might be able to contact her?” Take no for an answer. A mutual friend or relative might feel uncomfortable passing along your friend's information for many reasons.

Hire a private investigator. If you want to pay someone to search for your friend, make sure that you hire someone who is licensed as a private investigator. Contact consumer organizations to make sure that the investigator has a good reputation. Insist on a written contract that explains exactly what the investigator will do for your fee.

Accept that you might not be able to find your friend. Even with a wealth of information, you might not be able to find out where your friend is now. At a certain point, you will need to give up searching and move on.

Searching For Your Friend Online

Use social media. If searching directly doesn't help, try looking at the contacts of friends from the same era or place in your life. Roughly seven out of ten people have used social media to reconnect with old friends.

Use search engines. You might be able to find out roughly where your friend lives through websites that collect public information, such as listed telephone numbers or property records. Be wary of sites that charge for this information: many are bogus, while others might not provide more than a thorough search of records on your own. Put your friend's name in quotation marks to search more effectively.

Narrow your search with more specific terms. Add the names of family members, schools, or terms related to a profession. For example, “Katie Brown” will likely return results for thousands of people, while “Katie Brown journalist Oklahoma” has a greater chance of returning results about your friend in particular.

Use institutional websites. Alumni organizations, the military, and other similar institutions have websites on which you can register your information as well. In some cases, you might be able to find your friend or send a message through these organizations.

Make use of relevant public records sites. For example, if you think your friend might practice medicine in a particular state, search for medical licenses there. If you think your friend might be in prison, look up the state's prison directory.

Search for obituaries. It's possible that your friend is deceased. There are websites that allow families to post obituaries or tributes and may also have links to published obituaries and death records.

Make yourself findable. Your old friend could be searching for you! Or, more likely, if you contact your old friend, he might want to get a sense of who you have become by looking at your online presence before he commits to a meeting. Use your last name and any previous names on public social media accounts, or start a website or blog.

Deciding to Contact Your Old Friend

Be careful about contacting old romantic interests. While contacting old friends can rekindle warm relationships and revive happy memories, contacting former boyfriends, girlfriends, or lovers can rekindle romance. Don't assume that you can simply be friends now if you were something more in the past. While rekindled old romance can be very satisfying, don't lie to a current partner in order to try it.

Reach out by note or e-mail message. Give your friend time to remember you and to make a decision about whether she wants to get back in touch.

Move slowly on social media. Maintain privacy settings on your accounts so that you can pace the amount of information you disclose to your friend.

Accept that your friend might not want to reconnect. If you don't hear back, it's ok to try one more time. However, you must not stalk or harass your old friend. People change over time, and your friend might not want to restart the relationship right now.