Accepting the Situation
Stay calm and try to keep a level head. It’s easy to lose control of your emotions when you get grounded, but losing your cool will only make the situation a lot worse. Take a deep breath and try to remain calm to take the first step towards getting ungrounded. Tip: You can go sit in your room and relax by yourself for a bit to calm yourself down. Take a nap, read a book, or just sit quietly and focus on breathing calmly to control your emotions. If you’ve already had a big blow up and argued with your parents, then it’s important to cool down and regain control of your emotions before going any further.
Admit that you made a mistake. Accepting that you behaved badly is the next step towards getting ungrounded. Admit to yourself and to your parents that you did something wrong so that you can move on and learn from your mistake. Even if it doesn’t seem fair to you right now, understand that in the eyes of your parents what you did was unacceptable. Arguing that what you did wasn’t wrong won’t get you ungrounded. Owning your mistake is the best approach when you're having a tough conversation with your parents.
Accept that there are consequences for your mistake. There are always consequences when you break rules, get bad grades, or lie, no matter how old you are. Accept that these consequences are natural and are meant to help you learn from your mistakes and mature as a person. No matter how harsh the punishment may seem, you need to know that your parents are just trying to do their job of helping you grow into a responsible and trustworthy adult.
Decide what you will do differently to prevent getting grounded in the future. Think about what led to you getting grounded and how you could have avoided it. Come up with ideas to change your attitude or behavior so that you don’t get grounded again for the same kind of behavior. For example, if you got grounded for bad grades, you might make a time management plan to help you better balance your schoolwork. If you got grounded for getting in a fight at school, then decide what you will do differently next time you end up in a confrontation with someone.
Talking with Your Parents
Apologize to your parents. A sincere “I’m sorry” is the first thing you need to say to your parents once you are calm and understand why you got grounded. Apologizing shows that you know you did something wrong and are ready to start earning back your parents’ trust and get your freedom back. Tip: Don’t expect your parents to unground you just for saying you’re sorry. You probably still have a ways to go to get back on their good side. Don’t just say you’re sorry because that’s what your parents want to hear. Make sure you offer a sincere apology and admit that you know you did something wrong. Say something like, “I know what I did was wrong and I’m sorry. I want to learn from my mistake and improve my behavior. I’m really sorry and I hope you can forgive me.” If you failed a test or project, you could say something like "I got a bad grade in math because I spent the weekend gaming and going out with friends. This is obviously the result of my responsibility."
Discuss the problem maturely with your parents. Ask your parents to sit down and talk honestly about what happened. Tell them you are committed to changing your attitude and behavior and ask them what you can do to fix the situation and earn their trust back. For example, you can say something like, “Can we sit down and talk about what happened and why I got grounded? I know I was wrong and I want to work on changing my behavior so it doesn’t happen again in the future.”
Explain your side of the situation to your parents. Your bad behavior or mistakes are sometimes the result of a bigger issue, which doesn’t make it ok, but there are 2 sides to every story. It’s important that your parents know what is going on in your life so that they can help you resolve any issues. For example, if you are getting bad grades because you don’t get along with a teacher or you are finding a particular subject difficult, you need to tell your parents so that you can figure out how to get through the situation or get the help you need. If you acted out in anger because somebody was bullying you, then this is another thing your parents need to know so you can prevent the situation from getting worse. Start by saying, “I need to tell you about a problem I’ve been having.”
Make a plan with your parents to improve your behavior. Talk with your parents about specific actions you can take to change what got you grounded in the first place and get ungrounded. Try to make it a two-sided conversation to come up with a compromise that works for both you and your parents. For example, if you got grounded because of bad grades, come up with a study plan to help you better focus on your courses so you can improve your grades in the future. If you got grounded for losing your temper, then you could talk about alternative ways to react when you are feeling frustrated or angry. Practice using these new methods the next time you get mad to show your parents you are learning from your mistakes.
Using a Point System
Propose a point system to your parents to help you regain your freedom. Ask your parents if they are willing to come up with a point system that lets you get ungrounded after you earn a certain number of points. Tell them that you want to earn points for doing chores, behaving well, and getting good grades. Your parents might like the idea of a points system because you will be helping them out around your home as well. You can say something like, “I was wondering if we could come up with a points system together so that I could earn my way out of being grounded? I could do things like chores and do better at school to earn points.”
Decide together what actions will earn you points and how many you need. Talk with your parents to come up with a list of positive actions such as doing chores, getting high scores on assignments or tests, and doing other good things. Decide how many points each action is worth and how many points you have to earn to get ungrounded. Tip: Other ideas for earning points are things like: helping someone else with their homework or tutoring them, doing a kind act for someone in public (like holding a door open or helping your older neighbor carry their groceries), or walking the dog. For example, let’s say you decide you need 100 points to get ungrounded. Assign a points value to specific actions: 10 points for doing the dishes, 5 points for every completed homework assignment, 20 points for scrubbing the bathroom, etc.
Create a chart to keep track of every time you earn points. Write out the list of actions and points on a piece of paper or make one on the computer and print it out. Make sure there is a space to put a checkmark or write down the points you earn as you go. You can divide up the chart into sections like things around the home, school, pets, outdoors, and other actions. At the top of the chart put something like: “I must earn points to get ungrounded!”
Keep track of every time you earn points on the chart to get ungrounded. Work your way through the tasks you agreed on until you have earned enough points to get you ungrounded. Present it to your parents when you have earned that amount and you will be ungrounded! It’s a good idea to make sure your parents know every time you do one of the tasks and fill out the chart together so that you both agree on everything.
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