Examining the Situation
Think about why you want to stay. What are your reasons for not wanting to move? What will you lose in the move? What might you gain? Taking the time to think through all of these things will make it easier to talk to your parents about it. Spend some time alone thinking about your reasons for not wanting to move as well as what a move might be like. You may want to make notes of some of the things that you think of so that you can use them in your discussions with your parents later on.
Ask why you're moving. Your parents probably have some good reasons for moving, but you may not know about them. If you do not know why your parents have decided that you need to move, then ask your parents to explain the reasons to you. Try saying something like, “I think I might feel better about moving if I knew why we had to do it. Could you please explain it to me?” Some common reasons why people move include a new job opportunity, financial difficulties, disliking a neighborhood, or the need or desire for a bigger (or smaller) home.
Speak with your siblings or any other family members impacted by the move. Learn whether or not they want to move, what their perspective is, and how staying and moving will impact your whole family. Finding common ground may help you to feel better about the situation and it can also help to strengthen your case to stay put. Try saying something like, “I am really upset about the idea of moving. How do you feel about it?”
Preparing to Talk to Your Parents
List pros and cons for staying and moving. Once you have learned more about why your parents have decided to move and how the other members of your family feel about it, you should make a list of pros and cons for the entire family. To make a pros and cons list, get two sheets of paper and draw a line down the center on each one. At the top center of the one sheet write “Stay” and at the top center of the other one write “Move.” Then at the top of the left column of each sheet of paper, write “Pros.” On the right side, write “Cons.” After you have created these two sheets of paper, fill in the pros (positives) and cons (negatives) sides of each paper with as many reasons as you can. Be sure to include the pros and cons that you learned about in your conversations with your parents. Share the lists that you have created and invite your parents and siblings to add onto them so that they will be complete. Try posting the lists on the refrigerator or in some other high traffic area so that your family members can read through the reasons and add other reasons as well.
Offer to help with a job, extra chores, or something similar. If the move is due to a financial reason, then it might be possible for you to contribute in some way that will make staying possible. For example, if you are old enough to have a part-time job, then you could offer to contribute your wages to paying bills. Or if you have hobbies that cost a lot of money, then you might volunteer to give those activities up to help save some money.
Research reasonable alternatives to moving. Having suggestions and alternative strategies will be key if you want to convince your parents to stay. Look into as many alternatives as possible before discussing your feelings with your parents. Research cheaper places to live, jobs in the area, or whatever it is motivating the move. Finances are often at the core of the decision to move. Consider how much longer you plan to live in that home (for example whether you're finishing school within a few months or a few years). If you are less than a year away from being able to live on your own, then talk to your parents about delaying the move. Look into alternative strategies for keeping the residence. If your parents are interested in selling your family home and moving and you are independent. Renting or taking up residence can convert the residence into an income stream, though managing the property is often a difficult and expensive task and selling the property while not residing in it has tremendous tax implications.
Practice what you want to say. Before you present your reasons, research, and alternative solutions to your parents, take some time to practice what you want to say. Try practicing in front of your mirror or ask a friend to listen to your presentation. Try writing down what you want to say first. Sometimes, getting your thoughts on the page first can help. When you practice, remember to stay calm and control your emotions. Avoid crying or getting angry. If you are worried that you might forget something, make notes for yourself on index cards.
Speaking with Your Parents
Choose a good time to talk. Your parents will be more willing to listen if you choose a time to talk when they are in good moods. You may know when the best time to present your case would be, such as after dinner or on a lazy Sunday morning. If you are not sure when your parents would be most willing to listen, ask them. For example, you might say something like, “I was hoping we could talk about something, but it might take a while. When would be a good time for both of you?”
Wear something nice. Dressing up is a well-known strategy for looking professional and getting the upper hand in a conversation, especially if you are dressed better than the people you are addressing. Your parents may also be impressed because dressing up shows that you have put in extra effort and that this is an important conversation to you. Try wearing your best shirt with a pair of khakis or a dress that your mother picked out for you.
Compliment your parents. As you share your reasons for not wanting to move, make sure that you throw in a couple of compliments for your parents as well. Flattery, as long as it is sincere, is an effective way to persuade people to do what you want them to do. For example, you might say something like, “I appreciate how hard both of you work to give me a great life and I know that you made your decision with me in mind.” Or, “I am so lucky to have parents who are successful and intelligent. I hope that you both know how much I appreciate you.” Try to think about what your parents might want or need to hear from you.
Say what you have to say in a calm, reasonable manner. It is important to demonstrate to your parents that you have given the idea of moving a lot of thought and that your desire to stay put is not just based on an emotional response to the idea of moving. Therefore, it is best to stay calm while you present your point of view and avoid any argumentative tone or whining. If you feel yourself becoming emotional about something, don't panic. Emotional displays can be helpful to an argument, but only in moderation. Emotional displays are also more effective if used near the end of your presentation. For example, if you shed a few tears when talking about how upset you would be if you had to move away from your best friend, then that is okay. If you cry during most of your presentation, then that may work against you because your parents might interpret that as irrational behavior.
Save your best reason for last. A great way to persuade people that you are right is to hold off on one of your best points until you are almost finished. That way you can build up a strong foundation and top it off with one excellent reason. Structuring an argument this way also helps to build interest in what you are saying.
Allow your parents to think things over. Just as it took time for you to craft your argument for staying put, it will take your parents some time to process everything that you have said. Let them know that you understand that this is not an easy decision and that you respect their need to think things through. It is also a good idea to thank them for listening to you and for considering what you had to say. Try saying something like, “Thank you for listening to me. I understand if you need some time to think about what I have said. Please take your time and let me know when you want to talk again.”
Listen if your parents have something to say right away. It is possible that your parents will have an immediate response to what you have shared. In this case, give your full attention and listen well to what they have to say. Demonstrate that you are listening by nodding your head, keeping good eye contact, and occasional making a neutral statement such as “yes,” “I see,” or “go on.” If one of your parents says something that does not make sense to you, try repeating what they have just said to allow them to clarify. For example, you might say, “It sounds like what you are saying is that moving is our best option, but that does not mean that it is going to be easy. Is that what you mean?”
Follow up if your parents have not approached you after a week. If a week or more passes and you have not heard any response to what you shared, then it is okay to ask your parents if they would like to talk again. They might have just gotten busy or they might not be sure about the best way to approach you. By taking the initiative, you will demonstrate that you want to continue the conversation. For example, you might say something like, “If you are ready to talk, I was hoping that we could talk some more about the move. Is there any time this weekend that would work for you?”
Keep in mind that the answer may not be what you hoped for. Despite all of your hard work, it is still a possibility that your parents will not see things your way. It may be hard for you to hear a no, but it is important to respect your parents' decision. Try to remember that the choice to move is not meant to make your life harder, it is most likely about making your life better.
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