How to Talk to Girls as a Teen Boy

Treat it like a normal conversation.

Talking to a girl is just like talking to anyone else. You don’t need to dramatically alter or change anything about yourself to make a good impression. In fact, you’re much less likely to make any progress if you treat her like she’s from another planet. Girls really aren’t all that different from boys; they have hopes, hobbies, and feelings just like you or anyone else, so just treat her like a regular person! This is especially true if you like her. If you’ve got a crush, you still need to treat her with respect and normalcy. That doesn’t mean you can’t flirt or express your feelings, but you do need to treat her like a regular person.

Fake confidence if you feel nervous.

Ever heard "fake it till you make it?" It works! If you’re scared you’re coming off like a bit of a dork, just imagine yourself as the coolest kid on the planet. Confidence is all about appearances, and if you act like you’re confident, then that’s how you’ll come off. Just be the best version of yourself when you’re talking to her, and be honest, open, and genuine. Avoid any kind of self-deprecating humor. You want to laugh with her, not at yourself. Don’t downplay your skills or knowledge. At the same time, don’t go out of your way to lie or try to make yourself sound like the best thing since sliced bread. Just be yourself!

Say hello.

Start the conversation by being friendly and cordial. If you’ve never met before, introduce yourself by name and give her a big smile. If you’re striking up a conversation while you’re waiting for class to start or something, you can even start out with an observation or question about your shared environment to get things going. If you don't know her, then introduce yourself. Just say, "Hey, I'm Brian. What's your name?" This is simple but effective. If you do know the girl, just say, "Hi, How are you?" or "What have you been up to?" You don't have to be too elaborate here -- you just want to walk up to her like it's no big deal. You could also say, “You ready for the test today?” or, “That rain this morning was crazy.”

Look her in the eye and smile.

Your body language says a lot, so face her directly and relax. Don’t fidget or stuff your hands in your pockets, which may be tempting if you’re nervous. Keep your shoulders relaxed, stand up straight, and face her with your feet so that you appear open and ready to engage. If you face away from her, look away, or don’t smile, she may assume that you’re not trying to talk with her. Don’t come out too strong by getting super close to her or touching her. Unless she “accidentally” grazes against you first or she goes out of her way to give you a hug, assume she doesn’t want anything physical to happen.

Make small talk.

Start the conversation laid back and relaxed to take things slow. You could anchor the chat in something going on around you, like the teacher in your class, the weather, or a book she’s been carrying around with her. Alternatively, you could bring up a movie that just came out, or a popular TV show. By not jumping into some serious topic, you give her a little wiggle room to relax and guide the conversation. For example, you might say "Can you believe how hot it was this weekend? I was supposed to go out, but I just couldn’t bring myself to go outside. What did you do?" You might start, “You ever seen The Avengers? I just started watching it last night. It’s really good.” If you just come straight out and start asking her about her deepest dreams and desires, she may feel kind of overwhelmed and put-off.

Ask her questions.

Build off of the small talk by throwing out some open-ended questions. Keep them light and don’t get super personal right off the bat. This gives her the opportunity to open up a bit and talk about herself. Everyone loves sharing what’s going on in their life, and this is a great way to steer the conversation into a more meaningful place. Remember, you have to actually listen to her! Don’t get super caught up thinking about your next move; just follow along and let the conversation develop organically. Build off of what she says. If she just mentioned the teacher in the class, you might ask, “What do you think of Mr. Dwyer?” or, “Did you have as much trouble as I did with last night’s homework?”

Mirror her tone and energy.

If she’s in a good mood, try to keep things positive as well. If she seems preoccupied with something, don’t keep pushing the conversation and let it end organically. Meeting her on her terms is a great way to increase the odds that you develop a genuine friendship or relationship. People aren’t always looking for a super-deep conversation, so don’t force it if it isn’t happening naturally. Avoid short, one-word answers since they tend to put an end to conversations really quickly. If she asks you a question and you just say, “Yes” or “No,” you’re not really giving her anything to work off of. If she starts turning away from you and acting like she doesn’t want to keep talking, let it go. You can always try chatting her up in the future. For example, if she says, “I can’t stand this class,” you might say, “Yeah, it’s definitely a tough one sometimes. History is my worst subject.” If she starts talking about a movie you haven’t seen or something like that, you might say, “You know, I haven’t seen that one. Is it worth watching?”

Give her a compliment.

If you want to flirt or make her feel good, say something nice. Try to comment on something related to her personality or behavior. If you’re trying to flirt a bit, comment on her clothing or hair style. If she feels good when your conversation is over, she’ll be more likely to want to talk to you in the future. For example, you might say, “I really liked your argument in history class,” or, “I heard you made the starting team in basketball. Congrats!” You could also say, “I really like your headband,” or, “Those shoes are really slick.” Don’t get too personal or physical with the compliment. If she feels like you’re objectifying her, she won’t want to keep talking. This is a particularly good idea if the conversation ever reaches an abrupt stop. Throwing a compliment out is a great way to redirect the conversation into a new, positive space.

Build on any mutual interests you share.

Talking about things you have in common will make talking easier. It’s a lot harder to connect with someone if it feels like you don’t have any shared hobbies or beliefs. If she mentions a sports team, school subject, or pastime that both of you share an interest in, focus on that. This is a great way to keep the conversation going. The more you can guide the conversation towards topics that excite both of you, the more intimate and meaningful your conversation will get over time.

Be a little mysterious.

Oversharing may make you come off the wrong way. Even if you’re talking about a musical group you both enjoy, you don’t need to tell her about the time you went to see them live with your ex-girlfriend. It’s easy to overshare—especially if you’re nervous or you’re trying to make a good impression—but leaving a little bit up to the imagination will likely make you more interesting. You may also come off as a little self-centered if you keep throwing out personal anecdotes or talking about yourself without giving her an opportunity to share. For example, if she says something like, “Are you taking anyone to the homecoming dance?” you might say something like, “I’m still weighing my options,” and play it off with a flirty smile. If she asks you, “How are you doing in Mr. Booker’s geometry class?” you might say, “I’m doing alright. How are you doing over there? He’s kind of a tough teacher.”

Ask for her phone number or a future hang.

If the conversation is going well, see if she’d like to keep talking later. If you’re comfortable asking for her phone number, go for it! Alternatively, you could ask for her Instagram or Facebook info. If you aren’t comfortable doing that just yet, simply mention that you’ve enjoyed talking to her and that you’d like to talk again in the future. For example, you could say, “I like talking to you. We should hang out sometime!” You could also come up with an excuse for asking for her number. If you were just talking about books, you could say, “Do you want to give me your number? I’ll text you the name of that author when I get home.”