What’s the Difference Between Polyamory and an Open Relationship?

• Polyamory refers to a relationship including multiple people, all of whom are emotionally and romantically involved with one another.
• An open relationship refers to a monogamous couple in which one or both partners chooses to engage in purely physical external relationships.
• Opt for polyamory if you feel like you have too much love for one person; consider an open relationship if you’d like to have sex with more people but limit romantic ties.

Difference Between Polyamory and Open Relationships

Polyamorous people may have as many romantic partners as they wish. Polyamorous people may be involved sexually and emotionally with multiple partners, and they're dedicated to loving each partner equally. There's (usually) no hierarchy among polyamorous partners. We say "usually," because some polyamorous people consider one partner their primary partner, though they still maintain emotional connections with other partners.

Open relationships involve one romantic partner and multiple sex partners. Open relationships are for committed romantic partners who wish to have sex with other people outside the relationship. Unlike with polyamory, however, the goal in an open relationship is to limit emotional connections with these other people and to prioritize the wants and needs of the primary partner. While polyamorous people may move relatively freely between partners, in an open relationship, partners generally maintain strict boundaries with their extra-relationship partners and regularly communicate their needs and expectations with their primary partner.

Open Relationship Overview

In an open relationship, each partner may have multiple sexual relationships. Some couples may opt to open up their relationship if the relationship is going well, but one or both partners wants to have sex with other people. Unlike in a polyamorous relationship, the goal of an open relationship is to keep it purely physical and not introduce an emotional element. Unlike in a polyamorous relationship, in an open relationship, there’s a hierarchy: each partner prioritizes one another over any side flings they might engage in. Open relationships require that both partners consent to non-monogamy, even if one partner doesn’t feel the desire to see anyone other than their partner. While polyamorous relationships may allow for more freedom among participants, in an open relationship, both partners may have strict boundaries they expect one another to adhere to. Good communication and trust is essential to make an open relationship work.

Benefits of an Open Relationship

Open relationships are a way to explore one’s sexual horizons. Lots of people enter open relationships not because their partner is lacking something, but because being with a new person can afford them the opportunity to explore their sexuality in new ways. An open relationship might be their chance to experiment with their kinks or fetishes, and sex with a new person may also help to elevate their self-esteem. Even though both partners must agree to an open relationship, having sex with someone who’s not your partner can feel “forbidden” and provide an exciting thrill.

They may be an option for a couple with mismatched sexual needs. Though both partners must consent to opening the relationship, both partners are free to see as many or as few people as they choose; in some cases, one partner may want to sleep with other people while the other doesn't. While a couple’s sex life doesn’t have to be suffering before they open their relationship, some couples may choose to open their relationship because their libidos are mismatched or, for whatever reason, they’re just not having as much sex as one partner would like. In fact, sleeping with multiple partners may serve to spice up the couple’s own sex life if it’s become dull or monotonous.

Polyamory Overview

Polyamory means having a romantic relationship with multiple people. While open relationships center on sexual relationships outside a closed romantic partnership, people who are polyamorous may explore romantic and sexual relationships with more than one person. All partners in a polyamorous relationship consent to anyone in the group seeing whomever they wish. Unlike in an open relationship, there’s no hierarchy in polyamory: each partner is prioritized equally. There are 3 primary types of polyamory: solo polyamory, polygamy, and open and closed polyamory: In solo polyamory, the emphasis is on an individual, not a group. A solo polyamorous person may engage in multiple separate relationships (with people who may or may not be polyamorous themselves). Polygamy refers to having more than one spouse (even if it’s not a legal marriage—polygamy is technically illegal in many places around the world). In an open polyamorous relationship, a group may freely accept new people, while in a closed relationship, a polyamorous group may elect not to let in any more people.

Benefits of Polyamory

Polyamory may lead to feeling less constricted or limited in relationships. Having a relationship with multiple people means getting to enjoy numerous different attachments, both physical and emotional. Polyamorous people report feeling energized by their multiple relationships: when they’re happy in one relationship, that happiness tends to influence the other relationships as well.

Polyamory may help people explore their sexuality. Just as with open relationships, polyamory may give people the opportunity to discover their sexuality more fully. Seeing multiple people may provide the chance to experiment with kinks or fetishes they might not be able to fully explore with just one person.

Choosing Between Polyamory & an Open Relationship

Choose polyamory if you crave more intimacy and connection. Many polyamorous people feel as if they have too much love to limit it to one person. If this describes you, romantic relationships with multiple people, where you can feel free to be as intimate as you wish, may be a good choice. Remember that whatever you choose, you can always change your mind. It might seem daunting to experiment with opening up your relationship or seeing multiple people, but it can stay just that: an experiment. Your choice doesn't have to be permanent.

Choose an open relationship if you want sex outside your relationship. If you don't have a desire to emotionally commit to anyone but your partner, an open relationship may be the right choice for you. This type of relationship will allow you to explore your sexuality and have any unfulfilled sexual needs met while still maintaining an emotional bond with one specific person. Some couples also opt for “swinging,” that is, swapping partners with another couple. You may even opt to regularly check in with your partner(s) to share how you're feeling and see how they're doing with your current setup. Regular open communication with your partner(s) is a great way to ensure everyone is on the same page and nobody gets hurt or uncomfortable.

Making a Non-Monogamous Relationship Work

Talk it through with your current partner. If you’ve got a partner already and are wondering what the best move to make is, have a conversation with them: see where they’re at with the relationship and what they’d be comfortable with. This can be scary to do if you haven’t broached the subject of non-monogamy before, but getting it all out on the table is the best way to be honest and ethical and to know what sort of relationship structure to pursue. Talk to your partner about their needs from the relationship and communicate your own. Maybe they aren’t interested in seeing anyone else, but they don’t mind if you do, for instance. If your partner isn’t comfortable with opening your relationship in any way, you must respect this. Now it’s time to ask yourself if you can be fulfilled in the relationship as is, or if it’s best to end things. Keep in mind that depending on what you need in the relationship, you may be able to get it without opening it up. For instance, if you’re hoping an open relationship could reinvigorate your sex life with your partner, consider trying to spice up your sex life on your own by trying out new positions or roleplaying.

Set strict boundaries. An open relationship won't work without regular clear communication with your partner. Prior to seeing other people or inviting anyone new to join your relationship, sit down with your partner and establish strict boundaries: what do you both need from this experience? what are you comfortable or uncomfortable with? how much freedom do you need, and where this freedom would cross the line? For instance, in an open relationship, couples usually try to avoid emotional entanglements. You and your partner might agree to do this by avoiding seeing the same person twice. Some couples are more comfortable with lots of communication about one another's relationships with other people, while some couples prefer a "don't ask, don't tell" approach. Regardless, be sure you and your partner are on the same page from the start, and hold regular check-ins to make sure you're still on the same page.

Inform future partners of your expectations. If you're not in a relationship currently but think you'd like to try non-monogamy with future partners, be sure to let them know as soon as you can to avoid any misunderstandings. Modern dating has made this a bit simpler to do by allowing dating app users to clearly state their expectations on their profiles, but if you meet someone off the apps, be sure to let them know the situation from the get-go.