Learn what to let in and go

A young girl called me and asked, “I am in a great confusion. I am in love with a man of another caste. My parents have accepted our proposed marriage, but my boyfriend’s parents have not accepted it. If this marriage does not happen, I will never get married to anyone and even my boyfriend is saying this.”We live in reactions and our reactions decide our course of action. It is like a drunkard who is trying to decide his life in an intoxicated state. I told her, why do you say you will never get married? How do you know what you are going to feel next year? It is like saying that from tomorrow, I will not get hungry. You should know what to let in and what to let go of.First, let go of the frustrations of romance. Let in the feeling that in love, these struggles are natural. For example, a trekker enjoys the pleasure and pain of trekking. He does not reject pain, but develops pleasure in pain. Like in acupuncture, you go through the pain, there is also pleasure in the pain of the pressures applied by an acupuncturist.Why should I suffer?Because you have not accepted the pleasure in your pain, you are not seeing that there is also joy in pain. Like when you miss your beloved, there is pain and also there is the pleasure of the thought of the beloved.What should I do? I am in my late 20s and my parents are worried that I will be late for marriage.You, being a management student, give a deadline or a lifeline to your boyfriend. In one year, you should decide what to do, and you should educate your parents. He feels frustrated educating his parents. God has given him a great opportunity to cleanse his parents’ mind. Motivating someone is not frustration, but a great opportunity for one to be useful. After giving one year, if it does not happen, then one should know to how say “bye-bye” to a relationship. Or, decide to get married and slowly the parents will accept the reality.It is easier said than done, is it not?Give me a better option. Get married without the parents’ consent or let go of the marriage — what other option have you got? You have to learn to make decisions and not live in an emotional and indecisive state.—Swami Sukhabodananda