KOCHI: George and Anieamma, a couple from the suburbs of Ernakulam, were on the verge of a split when they approached Kurian Mathew, renowned arbitrator and mediator based in Kochi.The couple was financially sound and owned a saw mill. “The first two hours I patiently listened to their complaints. The wife said she hated him and that his presence repelled her. George too had a flood of complaints. He said she could manage the saw mill by herself but not a single chore at home. But after they ended their blame game, I asked her to consult a doctor for thyroid problems. The test result revealed the ‘villain’ - hormonal imbalance caused by thyroid problem,” says Kurian. Kurian Mathew is the only non-lawyer professional mediator who has been in the business for the last seven years. According to him, over 70- 80 per cent of family disputes are on account of medical conditions- thyroid issues in women and diabetic-related issues in men.Kurian Mathew shuns the present argument put forward by social activists that increasing divorces are the result of financial independence attained by the women in our society. “Most social activists attribute the rise in divorces to the present trend where women are making money. Also the exponential rise in nuclear families which makes couples less inclined to make adjustments. I don’t think these are the only reasons. Financially-independent women existed during old times too,” he says.According to Kurian Mathew, thyroid issues cause hormonal imbalance in women. They get detached from the role of a mother and a wife. They might efficiently run an office or a business organisation and can even befriend the whole world, but not the husband. Such women express masculine behaviour and turn bolder.The hormonal issues later develop into emotional imbalance wherein they over express basic emotions. Next stage is depression. “It is at the depression stage that most families recognise there is something wrong. They immediately take the wife to a psychiatrist. What the woman needs is medical treatment for thyroid and not a shrink,” says Mathew. Peace in family life can be restored through medication. Though the change will only be gradual, there will definitely be a happy turn of events.Santhosh, a native of Thiruvananthapuram, whose family conflicts were solved after his wife Veena took treatment for thyroid related issues, says: “Every day was a living hell for us. But when I recognised that it was thyroid that was causing the trouble, I took her to a doctor. After I understood about her illness, I started showing more patience. This saved our marriage. Gradually, she started to mellow down.”For men, it is early diabetes that triggers issues. “They get restless and show aversion to sex. Many are not aware of the early diabetes. They recognise it only after they find that a wound in their body fails to heal. By that time, the damage in the family is already done,” he says.Kurian Mathew feels that our society needs to be made aware of such facts. “Our legal system gives least importance to medical conditions.The family dispute reconciliation is concentrated on settlement. But how can a problem be solved through talks when it is a physical condition?” he asks.
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