“You might be older, but you’re not wiser.”
Put your older brother in his place with a witty one-liner. If you’re trying to roast someone with love and laughter, poke fun at their age in a lighthearted way. It’s a great way to strengthen your relationship and make lasting memories together. “You were born first, but I’m still taller than you.” “It took mom and dad two tries before they had the perfect kid.” “You know the phrase ‘aging like fine wine?’ Well, you’ve aged like milk in the sun.” “You must be so proud of yourself! How did you manage to accomplish nothing in 18 years?”
“You’re the reason why I don’t want kids.”
Let your little brother know who’s boss with a cutthroat comeback. Want to annoy your younger brother? Remind him that you’ll always be older, smarter, and wiser to reignite some friendly sibling rivalry. Just make sure to highlight your age difference in a fun and playful way to respect his boundaries—remember, you’re not his parent so you don’t want to come off as overly controlling! “I still remember the day you were born, but now I look like your younger brother!” “When you were first born, I was so happy. Now, what doesn’t kill you disappoints me.” “Did you notice that in every photo before your birth, mom and dad have huge smiles?” “I’m the reason you were born, and you’re the reason why mom and dad decided to stop having kids.”
“I’m the main product. You’re the spare parts."
Tease your brother by telling him you’re the better twin. Whether you’re the older or younger twin, there are tons of jokes you can make to start a silly conversation. Remind your brother that he’s just a backup, bring up any traits he lacks, or highlight who was born first for a classic comeback. “I’m the new and improved version of you.” “I was so smart that Mom had me cloned.” “How does it feel to be the disappointing sequel?” “I must be skinnier because you stole all my nutrients in the womb!” "You must have been made with leftovers."
“How does it feel to get mogged all the time?”
Elevate your insult game by roasting your brother’s appearance. If your brother is really handsome, use any of these one-liners to add some entertainment to your lives. Making a sarcastic joke about his appearance is a great way to roast him, without striking a personal chord. “If ugly was a day, you’d be an entire year.” “Don’t you have to get a license to be that ugly?” “The only person who thinks you’re attractive is blind.” “I’d give you a dirty look, but it looks like you already got one.”
“You look like a ‘before’ photo.”
Compare his looks to something silly to get the laughs going. Initiate an epic exchange by blurting out any food, object, or character and then telling your brother that he looks like it. Take turns going back and forth, and say whatever comes to mind to keep things entertaining—the more random and wacky your roast, the better! “You look like a bowl of mashed potatoes.” “You look like a randomized Sim character.” “You look like the clock from Beauty and the Beast.” “You look like Christopher Robin mixed with Christopher Walken."
“You’re the type of person to respond to spam emails.”
Use the “you’re the type of person…” meme to burn your brother. Look on social media to get inspiration for this one-liner, or take a few minutes to come up with your own. Focus on harmless quirks or silly habits that your brother is known for to deliver a savage yet friendly roast. “You’re the type of person to trip over a cordless phone.” “You’re the type of person to say ‘mimimimi’ between snores.” “You’re the type of person to measure your sleep with a ruler.” “You’re the type of person to look up and down before crossing the road.”
“I believed in evolution until I met you.”
Poke fun at your brother’s inability to make smart decisions. If your brother isn’t the brightest tool in the shed, use any of these lines to poke fun at his personality. They might be a little too aggressive for a younger brother, but if he’s older, go for it! Just make sure to deliver your line with a friendly expression to communicate that you’re teasing him. “You must be allergic to common sense.” “You’re the reason why we have directions on toothpaste.” “You’re so forgetful. You would overlook your head if it wasn’t attached to your neck.” “I would say that you’re as dumb as a rock, but at least a rock can hold the door open.”
“Must be nice to never use your brain.”
Bring up his grades for an unbeatable burn. Mentioning school is one of the easiest ways to get under someone’s skin, so start brainstorming a line that’ll send your brother back to class! The following examples are great insults if you and your brother are both academically gifted, but they might be too touchy if he’s falling behind in school. “If you had two brains, you’d be twice as stupid.” “Don’t worry about me. Worry about your grades.” “Keep rolling your eyes. Maybe you’ll find a brain back there.” “You can barely keep your GPA above a 2.0 so don’t talk to me.”
“If you fear success, you’ve got nothing to worry about.”
Reference his future (or lack of a future) to really roast your brother. If you really want to up the ante, grill your brother with one of these epic lines. Talking about his future is a more serious subject, so avoid using these on a younger brother. If he’s older or clearly brilliant, they’re the perfect way to make fun of him without being too aggressive. “Congratulations on getting your PhD in annoyance.” “Whoever told you to be yourself gave you really bad advice.” “I don’t know if you’re going to go far in life, but if you do, I hope you stay there.” “You can be anything you want in life…other than talented, attractive, and successful.”
“Have a nice day somewhere else.”
Let it be known that you need alone time with these savage lines. Is your brother lingering in your room or being more annoying than usual? Smile and tell him that you need some space! Deliver any of these lines with a laugh, wink, or friendly expression to make it known that you’re just teasing. Or, follow up with a “still love you bro” to avoid hurting his feelings. “If I give you a dollar, will you leave?” “Please find somewhere else to exist.” “You bring me so much joy…when you leave the room.” “You’re like a cloud. When you disappear, it’s a beautiful day.”
“Do you have an off button?”
Say one of these lighthearted lines if your brother won’t shut up. If your brother is talking your ear off or interrupting an important conversation, tell him to be quiet in a funny and creative way. These lines might be a little harsh for a younger bro, but if he’s older, game on! Just be sure to deliver your line with a friendly expression to let him know that you’re just playing around. “It’d be nice if you’d use glue instead of chapstick.” “This is an A & B conversation. Please C your way out.” “Let’s play a game. For the next week, don’t talk to me. 3, 2, 1, START!” “I’m sorry. Did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?”
“You’re a one-man circus act.”
Remind your brother that he’s the “weird” one in the family. For an unexpectedly savage burn, tell your brother that he must be from the circus…or the zoo…or an entirely different planet. It's another way of letting him know that he’s the odd one out, so be sure to deliver your line with a smile to avoid offending him. “I would hit you, but that would be animal abuse.” “A clown looks normal compared to how weird you are.” “I’ve seen people like you before but I had to pay admission.” “You must be a magician. How did you escape the circus again?”
“Want to hear a good joke? Your life.”
Master the art of roasting with this iconic one-liner. There’s not much to say about this comeback except that it’s a complete shut down, so only pull it out during an intense roast-off or life-or-death argument. Your brother will be too stunned to speak, and he’ll probably remember it for the rest of his life. “You skipped the ‘being normal’ gene.” “You’re proof that God has a sense of humor.” “I’d love to insult you, but it won’t be as good as what nature did.” “I was going to make a joke about your life, but it looks like life beat me to it.”
“You’re so ugly Hello Kitty said goodbye.”
Throw out this classic insult to begin the ultimate roast battle. The “you’re so ugly…” insult has been around for decades—and for good reason! It’s silly, savage, and guaranteed to start an entertaining exchange with your brother. Take turns hitting each other with your best line, and use any of the following examples for inspiration: “You’re so ugly you’d make a Happy Meal cry.” “You’re so ugly that farmers use your photo as a scarecrow.” “You’re so ugly that when Mom gave birth to you, she got a fine for littering.” “You’re so ugly that when you walk into the bank, they turn off the cameras.”
“How do you still have friends?”
Drop this epic comeback to end the conversation. Bringing up your brother’s lack of friends or romantic partner is the ultimate insult, as long as it’s something he’s not insecure about. It’s a silly and sarcastic burn if he’s actually quite social, but be careful if he’s more introverted or quiet—you don’t want to accidentally strike a nerve! “This is why no one wants to be your friend.” “I’m sure your friends collectively make fun of you.” “If we weren’t brothers, I wouldn’t be caught dead hanging out with you.” “How does your girlfriend deal with you? Oh, that’s right—you don’t have one.”
“I forgot the whole world revolves around you. My bad!”
Call out your brother’s behavior in a silly way if he’s being dramatic. If your brother is known for being selfish or attention-seeking, poke fun at his personality with these hilarious one-liners. They’re sure to add extra entertainment to your evening, plus keep him grounded. “Don’t you ever get exhausted from talking about yourself all the time?” “Thanks for listening to me and making it all about you. I really appreciate it.” “Funny, I just got back from the center of the universe, and I didn’t see you anywhere.” “There’s a new app called ‘being a decent human.’ Maybe you should download it. You know, for research purposes.”
“Hey, I found your nose! It was in my business.”
Tell your brother to mind his own business if he’s being nosy. If your brother always offers unsolicited advice or just can’t seem to stay in his lane, cut to the chase with a clever comeback. All of these lines let him know that he’s on the brink of crossing your boundaries, but feel free to add some emojis if you’re sending them over text—you want to make sure that he knows you’re not actually upset. “Remember when I asked for your opinion? Me either.” “I’m sorry that my life is so much more interesting than yours.” “Maybe you should get a life instead of being so invested in mine????” “You’re so nosy. Why don’t you just find out what the government is up to?”
“Do you exist to irritate people?”
Ask a savage question to show that he’s getting under your skin. We all have days where we just can’t get along with our siblings, and these lines are perfect for expressing annoyance in a lighthearted way. If you’re talking to a younger brother, the following examples might be too mean, so refrain from using them or save them for when he’s older. “Are you a professional pest?” “Do you thrive on being annoying?” “Is it your goal in life to bother me?” “Do you get off on making people hate you?”
“I hope you accidentally step on a Lego.”
Come up with a creative comeback to catch him off guard. In the middle of an intense roast-off? Use any one of these lines to cut the tension and make your brother bust out laughing. Since they’re silly and nonsensical, they’re the perfect way to bond with your sibling and create unforgettable memories. “Go fall into a black hole or something.” “Row, row, row your boat gently down a cliff.” “It’d be great if a shark kissed you on the neck.” “I think you deserve a high five…in the face…with a chair.”
“You’re as useless as the ‘g’ in ‘lasagna.’”
Pull out all the stops with these sharp and snappy burns. Feeling super, super savage? Drop any of these lines to shock your sibling into silence. They’re guaranteed to end any argument and make your brother question his existence. So, use them with extreme caution. “Even Bob Ross would call you a mistake.” “I wish I could sell you, but you don’t have any value.” “You’re the human equivalent of a participation trophy.” “God might love you, but everyone else thinks you’re worthless.”
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