Funny Insults for Adults
Unleash a sharp burn to surprise a laugh out of them. Laughter brings people together and helps them build stronger bonds. Surprising someone with a hilarious insult, like the ones below, is a great way to make them laugh… and like you better: Whatever is eating you must be suffering. Your biscuit’s not done in the middle. You’re like a lighthouse in a desert: bright but not very useful. Whatever kind of look you were aiming for, you missed. You seem to be suffering from delusions of adequacy. I do not have the time or the crayons to explain this to you. I will not have a battle of wits with someone who is unarmed. You do a great job combing your hair. It’s impressive how you’re able to hide the horns. You may have a sparsely attended funeral. Don’t worry—the first 30 years of childhood are always the hardest. You’re just like a Russian doll—full of yourself. You’ve got all the tact of a bowling ball.
Funny Insults for Kids
Keep it cute and creative to tease them in a fun and playful way. These funny kid-friendly insults are clever enough to get a laugh and clean enough that you won’t get in trouble. Try out one of these silly roasts to start a funny insult battle with your friends: May the chocolate chips in your cookies always turn out to be raisins. You have your entire life to be a knucklehead. You can take today off. You changed your mind? Does this one work better? I’m sorry. Did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours? How do you not fall down more? Did someone feed you after midnight? I have 90 billion nerves, and you’re tap dancing on every single last one of them. You really should come with a warning label. You’re about as sharp as a rubber ball. You’re about as helpful as a screen door on a submarine right now. Where’s your off button? If you see the silly-kid catcher, you’d better hide! You have the attention span of an ice cream in July.
Funny Insults for Friends & Frenemies
Drop a light-hearted one-liner to roast them with love. Whether you want to roast someone with genuine affection or twist the knife a teeny-tiny bit, a dash of humor can help make your intentions clear. Try one of these funny insults when you want to kill boredom or start a silly conversation with a friend or almost-friend: Are you doing OK today? You look like the guy in the zombie movie who’s been bitten but is trying to keep it quiet. I just love that you don’t care what people think. Is there an intermission to this drama? I don’t understand, but I also don’t care, so it works out nicely. Do you annoy people as a hobby, or is it a part of your personality? As an outsider, how do you view the human race? You do you. God knows no one else will. I see you’re playing dumb again. And you’re winning! I admire the way you try so hard. You’re not the most gullible person on earth, but you’d better hope that person doesn’t die. A sharp tongue is not necessarily an indicator of a keen mind. I was going to give you a nasty look, but I see you already have one. You must have been a slippery baby.
Funny Insults for Family
Put your family member in their place with a savagely silly insult. If you want to roast a brother, sister, or cousin, there’s no better way than with a funny insult. Family makes it easier to avoid hurting anyone’s feelings, but it’s still important to keep things respectful. Try one of these to strike the perfect balance between a joke and a burn: You’re the reason tubes of toothpaste have instructions on them. I bet you take more than 15 items through the express lane. Who’s using the family brain cell at the moment? Our gene pool needs more chlorine. Out of all the sperm to win the race... I will not have a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent. You’re proof that accidents happen. You’re an oxygen bandit. How did you manage to carry that enormous ego up the stairs? You’re not as dumb as you look. This is why the gene pool needs a lifeguard. Right now, you are as useful as a soup sandwich. You’re proof that the universe has a sense of humor.
Funny Insults for Significant Others
Roast your S.O. lovingly with a hilarious insult. Laughter helps relieve stress and diffuse tension, which can both come in handy when you’re in a serious relationship. Plus, it’s good for your heart. So, aren’t you doing your sweetie a favor by roasting them with one of these funny insults?: You have the same sense of direction as Christopher Columbus. You continue to meet my expectations. You have the communication skills of an alarm clock. Don’t call me crazy—you’re the one who married me! This isn’t what I meant when I asked for a slow cooker. It’s not your fault. Your family tree didn’t have enough branches. You look smarter in pictures. You might want to consider swapping out your Chapstick for a glue stick right about now. Your secrets are safe with me… mostly because I wasn’t listening. Well, at least you’re good-looking. You’re entitled to your incorrect opinion. I like you. People say I have no taste, but I like you. Sometimes your knight in shining armor is just a fool in tinfoil.
Weird & Random Funny Insults
Share an off-the-wall insult to have them rolling on the floor. Strange insults that come out of the blue can take advantage of the element of comedic surprise to make people laugh. The key, though, is to make sure it’s not mean or hurtful. Try one of the truly weird insults below to take the sting out of your barb and give them a chuckle: You look like something I drew with my left hand. You bring as much joy to the world as a wet sock. Does it make you sad that you didn't even make the main stage at the circus? You seem like the kind of person to fill a waterbed with spring water so you can bounce higher. You’re as sharp as a pound of wet leather. You’re a cult of one. You have the I.Q. of mayonnaise. You're as useful as wet toilet paper. You’re as lost as last year's Easter eggs. You're as useful as a chocolate teapot. You're a gray sprinkle on a Funfetti cupcake. If zombies tried eating your brains, they'd starve. Even Bob Ross would call that a mistake.
Corny Funny Insults
Use a corny insult to make them laugh and groan at the same time. Corny jokes and humor are so bad that they’re good again. They seem predictable and lame, but that’s the secret of their humor. They’re safe and rarely cause offense, making them the perfect funny insult. Here are some of the corniest insults for you to try out on the people in your life: I've seen salads dressed better than you. It must be such a long and lonely journey when a thought crosses your mind. When I stand close to you, I can hear the ocean. Halloween is over now, you can take your mask off. Fee-fi-fo-fum, your breath stank, so chew some gum. Roses are red, violets are blue. If I had a brick, I’d throw it at you. Roses are red, violets are blue. The smell of rotten eggs reminds me of you. You're so poor you can't afford to pay attention. I've seen someone who looked just like you before, but I had to pay admission. When your mom dropped you off at school, she got arrested for littering. I've heard my dog fart smarter things. Your silence speaks volumes, so let's stick to that. That chill pill I wanted you to take must have been a placebo.
Funny One-Word Insults
Make it short and snappy to make them laugh out loud. There’s something so elegant about a one-word insult. It’s fast and can be truly hilarious if you deliver it right. Use one of these single-word insults when you want to get a quick laugh: Lickspittle Ninnyhammer Mumpsimus Pettifogger Loblolly Poltroon Blatherskite Malingerer Mooncalf Hobbledehoy Milksop Smellfungus Pillock
Funny Pop-Culture Insults
Quote a funny insult from your favorite movie or TV show. Dropping a funny line from your favorite comedy is a great way to insult someone in a hilarious way. This is especially true if they also recognize the quote. Here’s a list of some of the funniest insults from movies and TV shows to get you started: “You are a sad, strange little man.” – Toy Story “Does Barry Manilow know that you raid his wardrobe?” – The Breakfast Club “Shock me, shock me, shock me with that deviant behavior.” – Empire Records “I know you are, but what am I?" – Peewee’s Big Adventure “I don’t shut up. I grow up. And when I look at you, I throw up.” – Stand By Me “I don’t dislike you. I nothing you.” – Scrubs “Well, my time of not taking you seriously is coming to a middle.” – Firefly “You are literally too stupid to insult.” – The Hangover “If I had a gun with two bullets and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden, and Toby, I'd shoot Toby twice.” – The Office “This is like explaining gravity to a chicken.” – Veep “I'll explain, and I'll use small words so that you'll be sure to understand, you warthog-faced buffoon.” – The Princess Bride “Nice dress. Good to know you’ve seen the softer side of Sears.” – Buffy the Vampire Slayer “Listen up, fives. A ten is speaking.” – 30 Rock
How do you give a funny insult?
Match your funny insult to what the other person said. The funniest insults come in the spur-of-the-moment, as you’re listening to what the other person is saying. The key to thinking of a witty comeback or insult is to hone your listening skills and focus on everything the other person is trying to say. It can be tempting to focus on thinking about what you want to say when you’re not talking, but it’s better to listen closely to the other person’s words. Instead of memorizing a few insults you use in every situation, try targeting something the other person says or their general tone.
Use your facial expression to drive the insult home. A blank or neutral expression can really help emphasize the humor of your insult. Another way to get a laugh is to roll your eyes with your mouth slightly open in an exaggerated, sarcastic expression. Raising an eyebrow and smirking are other good ways to make the insult seem more over-the-top and funny. Give them a genuine grin after making a sarcastic face to let them know you aren’t seriously insulting them. Remember, sarcasm can be difficult to pull off if you aren’t used to it. Try brushing up on your sarcasm skills to make sure your insult hits them the right way.
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