7 Ways to Get Revenge on Someone

• Take revenge on someone by signing them up for spam mailing lists or using an anonymous courier to mail them an unpleasant gift, like animal poop.
• Take some time to reflect if revenge is really what you want. A lot of people find that revenge doesn’t make them feel better, or that they feel worse afterwards.
• Think about other ways to deal with the person that don’t involve revenge, like confronting them directly or ignoring them.

Revenge Ideas

Sign the person up for spam mailing lists to fill their inbox with endless clutter. If you know your enemy’s home or email address, put their name down for every advertising service you can dig up. In no time at all, they’ll be bombarded by irritating junk mail every time they make a trip to the mailbox or check their messages. For bonus petty points, look for mailing list subscriptions advertising potentially embarrassing products and services, such as hair loss treatment. Warning: This revenge scheme falls into some pretty legal grey area, and could get you in trouble with the law depending on where you live.

Hire a company to mail someone a distasteful gift. Believe it or not, there are plenty of companies out there dedicated to sending stinky, rude, or otherwise unpleasant “surprise” packages to people anonymously on your behalf. Depending on your budget, here’s a few items you might get specially delivered to your enemy’s door: Glitter ($10 and up, via Ship Your Enemies Glitter) Cow, elephant, and/or gorilla poop ($18 and up, via PoopSenders) Mayonnaise in an envelope ($45, via Mayobymail)

Scare the you-know-what out of the person when they go to use the bathroom. This one's a classic—pick up a pack of bang snaps (also known as pop-its, cherry poppers, and devil bangers) from your local gag gift store and tape 3 or 4 to each of the bumpers on the underside of your enemy's toilet seat. When they sit down to do their business, they'll trigger a series of miniature explosions sure to send their bowels leaping into their throat. Pulling off this startling stunt will require you to have access to your enemy's home, or at least be three steps ahead of them the next time they head to the facilities at school or work.

Offer your enemy a puke-tacular mayonnaise-filled pastry. Carefully cut open a donut and fill it with oily mayo. Then, put it back together and leave it where your unsuspecting nemesis will find it. Be sure to lock eyes with them as they take the ill-fated bite to let them know that you got 'em. You could enact this little ruse with just about any type of cream-filled confection, including éclairs, cannolis, strudels, and macarons.

Disturb the person's rest with an online wake-up call service. If you have your enemy's phone number, you have everything you need to give them a rude awakening. Just plug the number into a free wake-up call service website like Snoozester or WakeUpDialer, choose a time (the earlier, the better), and picture the look of utter frustration on their face when they're roused from their peaceful slumber by an annoying automated message at the butt-crack of dawn. Chances are, your enemy will eventually block the unknown number when they catch on to what's happening. Many phones come with “Do Not Disturb” features, which may also prevent any wake-up calls from going through. Warning: Similar to signing a person up for spam, signing a person up unknowingly for wake-up calls may also fall into a legal grey area and get you in trouble.

Hire a professional to help you exact vengeance covertly. Assisted revenge has become a booming business. For a price, web-based companies like Get Revenge On Your Ex will plan and execute the perfect revenge scheme for you so you don’t have to get your hands dirty. All you have to do is sit back, relax, and savor your enemy’s anguish. Examples of some of the devious deeds these companies may perform include sending anonymous texts, anonymous letters, and voodoo dolls to the desired recipients. While some of theses sites claim to operate within the law, use your best judgment before paying anyone to get revenge on your behalf.

Commission a skywriter to deliver a scathing message. Get in touch with a commercial aviation service in your area that specializes in skywriting. You can then turn your eyes to the skies with glee as a trail of smoke or billowing banner spells out a slap in the face or lifts the lid on one of their most sensitive secrets. Make your message short and not-so-sweet: “Allison Smith is afraid of squirrels” or “Bobby McGee still wets the bed” will put a humiliating period at the end of your feud. Schedule your flight for a nice day with clear weather, preferably in an area where lots of people who know your enemy will be gathered, like downtown or near an outdoor concert. Skywriting is an impressively elaborate method of sticking it to a foe, but it’s not cheap. You can expect to pay between $1,000 and $3,000 for a smoke trail, and as much as $500 per hour and $2 per square foot for a custom banner. Warning: Mean and embarrassing messages can easily qualify as defamation (remarks that damage a person’s reputation), so use discretion before commissioning one.

Positive Alternatives for Revenge

Choose to be the bigger person when someone wrongs you. Revenge understandably seems like the most satisfying solution at first—but studies show that revenge-seekers don’t actually feel better after the deed is done. In fact, some people feel pretty after they’ve had their moment of retribution. For the sake of your own mental health, it’s better to move on and leave any negativity in the past. Choosing not to act on your vengeful urges can also be very empowering. It screams loudly and clearly that the only person who has control over your actions and reactions is you. There’s a lot of truth to be found in the old Spanish proverb “No revenge is more honorable than the one not taken.”

Try to have empathy for yourself and for the other person. For whatever reason, this person became your enemy and they have their own issues to work out. What you can focus on are your own strengths, your own positive attributes, and your own way of navigating the world. The more energy you put into yourself, the less energy will be put into that enemy.

Focus on the good that comes from the situation rather than the bad. Contemplating revenge can give you a sinister thrill, but it can easily cast a shadow over your life when taken too far. Resist the urge to continually reopen old wounds by maintaining an upbeat attitude and taking stock of the things you’re thankful for. If you find yourself constantly dwelling on the past, try keeping a journal where you focus on all the positive things that have happened to you. Try to look at your enemy’s actions as a blessing in disguise. It could be, for instance, that they’re a former friend who’s stabbed you in the back, and their betrayal has made you more careful about who you let into your inner circle. Don’t feel too bad about being a target for your enemy’s scorn. The fact that they would go to such great lengths to interfere with your happiness means that they think you’re important.

Use your enemy’s hostility towards you as motivation. Malicious words and actions can sting, but they can also have an energizing effect. Channel the energy that you would otherwise put towards holding a grudge into working out, studying, or picking up a new hobby. Joyce Carol Oates said it best—“the best revenge is living well without you.” Going to the gym is a great way to burn off some of those bad vibes, as well as going for a walk outside. Meditating, practicing yoga, and having a good vent session with a friend or loved one are other good options to consider.

Take some time to reflect before seeking revenge. Your craving for retaliation will be strongest while the action, event, or behavior that hurt you is still fresh in your mind, but this is also when your judgment will be the most clouded by negative emotions. No matter how antsy you are to even the score, hold off for a while. Once you’re able to let go of the anger and resentment you feel, your desire for revenge may disappear completely. Even if you don’t feel any better after letting things marinate for a bit, you’ll at least have a better perspective on the situation, which will help you formulate a plan of action.

Other Ways to Deal with the Person

Confront the person about their behavior directly. Before you begin dreaming up ways to ruin your enemies’ lives, do your best to defuse the situation. Let them know in no uncertain terms what it is they’re doing that you don’t appreciate and how it makes you feel. As the bigger person, you have a responsibility to try to scale things back before they get out of hand. Standing up to a bothersome bully, for example, may be enough to get them to lay off. Look them dead in the eye and tell them firmly, “That’s enough. I’m tired of you messing with me.” You could also take a more diplomatic approach by saying something like, “What’s your problem with me? I’ve never done anything to you.” If the person giving you grief is someone you work with, choose your words carefully to avoid stoking conflict and damaging your professional relationship. It may be a good idea to get a supervisor involved in private.

Hit your tormentor with a witty comeback. Sometimes, all it takes to put someone in their place is a clever retort. The next time your enemy starts harassing you, think on your feet and come up with a response that plays on something they’ve said or done. If you land a blow to their ego, they’ll think twice before picking on you again. If your enemy attempts to insult you by asking “Do you still wear diapers?”, you might strike back with, “Why, did you want to borrow one?” A shining example of a cutting comeback comes from Dorothy Parker. When accosted by a drunk critic who said, “I can’t bear fools,” she calmly replied, “Apparently your mother could.” Tip: The best comebacks happen spontaneously, so they can be hard to practice. For inspiration, try watching classic Marx Brothers films or videos of famous stand-up comedians dealing with hecklers.

Ignore the person and refuse to give them the time of day. Put the person out of your mind altogether rather than absorbing endless abuse from your enemy or stressing yourself out trying to one-up them.The best way to take the power back from your antagonist is to not give them any more of your time, attention, or energy. If they want to sneer, let them do it to your back as you walk away. Do what you need to do to remove your enemy from your life: block them on social media, avoid places where they hang out, and don’t hesitate to stonewall them if they try to talk to you. Remember—if you let the things your enemy says and does get to you when they’re not even around, they’ve already won.