How to Deal With Questions About When You're Getting Married

Responding Politely to Invasive Questions

Give a simple honest answer. Sometimes a dose of reality will stop nosy questioners. If someone asks you about your marriage plans, it’s in your rights to tell the truth without apologizing or explaining: ”I really don’t know.” ”I’m not sure I want to.” ”I don’t think I’m ready.”

Let them know your relationship is in a different place right now. If you’re in a relationship, you may feel like you want to defend it. You can do this without bowing to the pressure of marriage. Think of responses like: ”We’re still getting to know each other.” ”Our relationship is strong, and we don’t want to rush or put pressure on each other.” ”We’re focusing on other things right now, like getting my business off the ground.”

Politely ask them to stop. Questions about when you’re getting married can be really invasive. You should set boundaries if you don't want people asking invasive questions about your relationship. Even if a family member or close friend asks you, feel free to tell them to butt out (nicely!): ”That’s a pretty personal question. Could you please not ask me about that right now?” "I'd really rather not get into that right now."

Change the subject smoothly. If you prefer, you can more subtly redirect attention away from the topic of marriage. Avoid directly responding to their question, and ask the person about something else. That way, the conversation will naturally move into different territory. Try a comeback like: "Eh, let's talk about the holiday plans instead. Are you going to make the pie or the turkey this year?" "Speaking of the timing of things, I just remembered Mariah's graduation is next week. Is she excited?"

Coming Back with Humor

Poke fun at yourself. People digging into your personal life with questions about getting married can bring up all sorts of feelings, making you think you’re incomplete or inadequate in some way. It doesn’t have to be so serious though. A good way to respond to nosy people is with a little bit of self-deprecation, like: ”Oh, I’ve actually been asked three times, but I’ve always said no. Silly me!” ”I want to get pregnant first.” ”My doctor says I’m certified unmarriable.”

Turn the tables. When people constantly bug you with questions about getting married, it can feel like a burden on you. Remind yourself that it’s not anyone’s business and take some of that burden away. Try shocking or poking fun at them as a way to deal with things by responding with things like: ”Oh wow! Are you asking me to marry you! Yes! I will!” ”Marriage? Well, I’d like to keep having sex, so….” ”I did get married. I just didn’t send you an invitation.”

Tell them to ask your partner instead. If you’re in a relationship, people may pester just you with questions about getting married, which isn’t very fair. To be funny and brush these questions aside, try coming back with something like “Oh, when are we getting married? Your guess is as good as mine. Why don’t you ask Joachim?”

Dealing with the Stress

Recognize they may mean well. Some people that pester you about when you’re getting married are just nosy. Others genuinely care about you, and happen to see marriage as a part of success in life. Whether or not you agree with them, you can acknowledge if they mean well, without changing who you are.

Accept yourself and your feelings. If you’re bothered by people asking you about marriage, you don’t have to ignore the way it makes you feel. Admit that the questions bug you, but don’t let that feeling rule who you are. Some people like to wallow a bit. If your aunt at Thanksgiving just wouldn’t stop asking about marriage, give yourself the weekend to be alone with Netflix and some ice cream. You just might feel better afterwards. Other people will feel better by getting out and staying active.

Remind yourself of your good qualities. Whether or not marriage is in your plans, being married doesn’t determine everything you’re worth. You have strengths, talents, and goals that are all your own. Taking stock of these can give you a boost when you’re down or just need recentering. Try making a list of the things about yourself that you are most proud of. You can make another list of qualities that other people would say they admire about you.

Make the most of being single or unmarried. Depending on the person, marriage can seem like a big goal, or something you’re not so interested in. Either way, the single or unmarried life has its perks, too. Remind yourself of these whenever you’re bothered by questions about getting married. Being single or unmarried can mean independence: more time to do what you want, when you want to. Make a point to hang out with many kinds of friends--ones who are single, ones who are in relationships, and ones who are married. This can give you perspective.