How to Handle Being Laughed at Behind Your Back

Evaluating the Situation

See if they are really laughing. If you think someone is laughing at you behind your back, take a step back to assess the situation. Look at what you know to see if this person or these people are really mocking you. Ask yourself if you have done anything new or noteworthy recently. Good news or performance may inspire people to laugh with you, rather than at you. Look at the situation. If you hear actual laughter around you, know that it may have nothing to do with you. A person may be watching an entertaining video on their phone, or they may have seen something funny happening behind you. Check out your surroundings to see if there are other possible sources for laughter. Think about any predisposition you may have to believe that people are mocking you. Do you deal with social anxiety? Have others in your past treated you this way? Evaluate your concerns and make sure they are coming from fact and observation, rather than internally-generated suspicion.

Look at who is laughing. Take a look at the person or people you think are laughing behind your back. Decide if they are the type of people that you want in your life. If you think a friend or peer is laughing at you, ask yourself, “Do I really want to keep a close relationship with this type of person?” If the answer is no, then you can end the friendship. If you find a rival or bully is the one mocking you, pay them no attention. Remove them from your life simply by not feeding their desire to upset you. If they believe their words have lost impact, they will eventually move on.

Listen to why they are laughing. Often, people mock that which they don’t understand or because of an insecurity. Find out why a person or group of people laugh at you in order to reassure yourself. Someone may mock you because they don’t understand something in your life. Perhaps you are more focused on work or school than they are, or perhaps you have different interests. If someone is mocking you because of something they don’t understand, tell yourself that your choices are valid and they don’t need other’s approval. Say to yourself, “I study to ensure a better future for myself,” or, “This hobby brings me joy and doesn’t harm anyone else. This person simply does not understand why this hobby is meaningful to me.” Someone may also mock you because they are insecure about something that you are not insecure about. They may not have the guts to wear clothing that is very different from what is trendy, for instance, but you do. Tell yourself, “This person has no power to make me feel bad about something in my life simply because they are insecure.”

Tell yourself that you're wonderful. Don't be modest. Every time you hear about someone laughing at you, pause and think to yourself, "They're wrong and I'm a wonderful person." Do this until you're convinced. Make it more real in your mind by backing it up with reasons why you genuinely like yourself. Tell yourself something like, “I am intelligent, resourceful, and I can make amazing cookies, and that makes me wonderful.” Keep repeating this to yourself, no matter how hard or silly it may seem. It may be hard to believe while you are hurting, but the more you say it to yourself the more likely you are to start believing it. Even on days when you don’t hear about someone laughing at you, remind yourself that you are wonderful and others don’t determine how you view yourself.

Dealing with Antagonizers

Confront them. Confronting a bully can be intimidating, but if you feel overwhelmed, talking to them about their problems may bring you some comfort. Set up a time to talk with your antagonizer one-on-one and see what their laughter is really about. Talk just the two of you. A large group may create a defensive, emotional situation that brings out more aggression. Let them know that they hurt your feelings laughing at you and you'd like them to not do it again in the future. Ask them, “What about me makes you want to laugh at me?” Listen carefully to their answer. It is likely grounded in their own emotions and has little to do with you as a person. Ask your antagonizer, “How do my actions or interests impact your daily life?” Evaluate their answer to see if you really do hurt them in a meaningful way, or, more likely, if you simply confuse them because you are not like them. Understand that annoyance and dislike are subjective. Other people will have different views of you. Just because your antagonizer doesn’t know how to handle their opinion properly doesn’t mean that you are bad or have done anything wrong.

Find an ally. There are a number of people with whom you can discuss your antagonizer. Look at close friends or family members if you want someone to listen and reassure you. Ask a friend to be your go-to person when you think you are being laughed at. Let them know that you don’t need them to solve any problems for you and that you simply want to be able to vent about the stress your antagonizers cause. If your friend is around during an attack from your antagonizers, engage with them instead to distract yourself. Start a conversation about something you both enjoy, or ask them, "How is your day going so far?"

Find a professional. If the laughter has gotten to a point where it impacts your daily life, look for a professional therapist or counselor to help you deal with your emotions. A trained professional may help minimize the long term impacts of your antagonizer and help you develop healthy coping mechanisms. Find a therapist or counselor that specializes in dealing with trauma from bullying or social anxiety. Find affordable, professional help by working with educational clinics at local colleges or sliding scale practitioners in your area.

Laugh along with them. People laughing at you are looking for attention. They want to make you feel bad. If you can laugh along with them, they won’t get that attention they crave and will likely eventually move on. Allow your laughter to be genuine. Others might be looking to hurt you, but you do not need to hurt yourself. Instead, think to yourself, “It is funny that they find my passion dorky because when I do well at the things I love, I feel like the coolest person in the world.” Try to let their comments roll off your shoulders. If, for example, your antagonizer claims something you like is nerdy, simply smile and say, “I guess that makes me a nerd,” and walk away.

Address your feelings. Being laughed at can be painful and may hurt your feelings, especially if the person laughing at you is someone you considered a friend or someone you like and respect. If you are feeling hurt and betrayed, address these feelings instead of stuffing them down or pretending you are fine. Avoid short-term solutions that can increase your stress or be dangerous, such as self-medicating with alcohol and drugs or self-harm. Accept that you are upset. It's okay and understandable to be hurt when someone laughs at you. Instead of saying to yourself, "Whatever, it's fine, I don't care," simply acknowledge your feelings by saying, "I feel really sad and betrayed right now." Focus on the present. Reliving the moment and ruminating on what happened can prolong your pain. Instead of thinking, "I can't believe they laughed at me. I'm so embarrassed. It ruined my whole day and I hate that it ruined my day. They're such jerks," try to just acknowledge what you're feeling. Say, "Okay, I'm thinking about it again. It's making me feel sick to my stomach to think about it, and my face feels hot. But I'm on my way to guitar practice now, and I'm going to focus on my lesson and playing well. I'm bringing my attention to what is happening right now, not what happened this morning." Try not to judge yourself for feeling hurt or engage in negative self-talk.

Involve an authority figure. If you find your antagonizers more of an annoyance, you may decide to deal with them on your own. If they are impacting your ability to work or function, though, you may want to bring in an authority figure to help you deal. If you are in school, speak with a teacher you trust. See if they would be willing to set up a meeting with you and your antagonizers after school and moderate the situation. A school counselor may also be of help. If an antagonizer is impacting your ability to do your job, let your supervisor know immediately and ask them for help.

Creating Positive Relationships

Focus on the things you can control. It's important to remember that you can't control other people and you can't stop them from laughing. If someone was laughing at your haircut so you wear a hat, then they may just laugh at the hat, or find something else to pick apart. Trying to anticipate how someone will react, or making all your decisions based on what you think someone else will find acceptable, is exhausting and impossible. Shift your focus from what you can't control (the actions and opinions of other people) and start paying attention to what you can control — your own actions, feelings, and your opinion of yourself. Choose to treat yourself with kindness and compassion. You have control over what your self-talk sounds like, and it's important that you behave like your own best friend. If you find yourself engaging in negative self-talk, challenge it. You can also control your own actions, how you treat others, and what you will accept from other people. You can choose to show the people who laugh at you kindness despite their rude behavior. You can also choose to walk away from their taunts.

Find better friends. If the person laughing behind your back is someone you considered a friend, try finding more positive people to keep in your life. Take a look at what matters most to you, and find people with similar values regarding friendship. Try joining school groups or local meetups to meet people with the same interests as you. Look at options like book clubs and dinner groups to meet other people outside of your established social network. Spend more time with the people who have supported and helped you. Focus on bettering your friendships with them rather than surrounding yourself with new people.

Be the bigger person. Try changing your relationship with your antagonizer by offering them friendship and help. Offer to be there for them, and know that if they reject your help that you did all you could to create a positive relationship. Look at your antagonizer’s insecurities, and offer to help them address them. If, for example, your antagonizer laughs at you for getting good grades or caring too much about your job, offer to help them study or get started on a work project.