Looking For Signs
Check her ring finger. A wedding ring is an obvious way to know if she is single. A wedding ring is traditionally worn on the left hand on her fourth finger. Some married women may not always wear their ring for various reasons so don’t feel that a woman without a ring is 100% single.
Search her online profile. Social media is a great way to find out if she is single because they provide an outlet for her to express her relationship status. Whether she explicitly states that she is in a relationship or simply has many pictures with the same guy, you can quickly gauge whether this is something that you want to pursue. If you don’t have full access to her social media account, send her a friendship request. Be sure that you are proud of your own profile before allowing her access to see yours. There may be incriminating photos of you that may cause her to hesitate to tell you whether she is single.
Evaluate her social calendar. If she constantly is out with her single friends then there is a good chance that she is single as well. If you don’t know her social calendar, simply ask “what are you up to this weekend” or “did you get up to anything fun last week? If you see her out at the same bar or club within a short time span, this may be an indication that she is single and is hoping to meet someone.
Ask yourself how she interacts with other men. If you are in a bar or club and you see someone who does not talk to many men or is not on the dancefloor, it may be because she is not single and does not want to send the wrong message. In contrast, if you see a woman who is open to dancing and chatting with other men, there is a good chance that she is single.
Look for eye contact. Whether you’re in a bar or in a grocery store, if you find that you can lock eyes and maintain eye contact, it may be indication that you have caught her attention and she is flirting with you. It may also be a clear indication that she wants you to talk to her. Be careful not to keep staring if she looks away or if you’re unclear whether she’s just looking out of pure coincidence. If she is smiling and maintaining eye contact, you have a good indication that she is approachable.
Talking to Her Family and Friends
Be discreet. Talk to her friends and family if you already have an established relationship. If you have never spoken to them before, you may need to take extra time to establish a new dynamic. Always be respectful when you speak to anyone in her circle as it will reflect on you later. You can also be direct and open as to why you are talking to them; however, know that they may quickly tell her or pass their own judgement and refuse to help you. Don’t lie about who you are. Be honest about everything because if she finds out that she, or anyone in her close circle, has been manipulated then you will have blown your chance.
Make a good impression. Her friends and family are her first line of defence so it is important to put your best foot forward whenever you speak to them. Don’t be rude or awkward as this can quickly be exaggerated when they talk to her about you. If she is in a different social circle, find common ground to get your foot in the door. Endear yourself to the members so that you get invited to one of their activities or to help ease your transition into their circle.
Be yourself and be confident in your own skin. People can tell if you are trying to put on pretense. It will take a lot of energy to keep up a charade so don’t even bother trying to manufacture yourself into someone you think her family or friends may think is good for her. She also won’t appreciate that you think you have to go through such lengths to get to know her.
Ask her friends and family if she is single. Make sure you have established a comfortable dynamic where you know them well enough that it doesn’t feel awkward to ask. You don’t want to ask too early and have her family be defensive or her girlfriend think that you are making conversation with her because you like her, and have her feel embarrassed after you ask about her friend. You also don’t want to ask a male friend and have it turn out to be her boyfriend. Say something nonchalant similar to, “So what’s Kimmy’s Story?” This keeps things ambiguous so it doesn’t seem like you’re asking for yourself.
Reading the Conversation
Keep conversations casual. Chat about your hobbies or ask what she has gotten up to over the weekend. She may immediately volunteer some information about whether she is single or not. She will most likely tell you if she has plans with her significant other. Go in with the mindset that you're a social explorer. You're meeting all kinds of people in all kinds of ways—part of that process involves meeting people who are already in relationships.
Ask her for coffee or lunch. This is more casual than a formal date but still may be viewed as one. If she hesitates, it may be because she is not single. Better yet, she may say yes because she is single and views it as a date. Make sure you know whether she thinks that it is a date or just something between friends. You can casually ask her, “is this cool with your boyfriend?” She may laugh if she’s single or appreciate how respectful and considerate you are but either way, it can put you in her good graces. If you'd like to be more direct, you might say something like, "You might be the prettiest girl I've ever seen." If she's in a relationship, she might say, "I appreciate that, but I'm just waiting for my boyfriend" or "I don't think my girlfriend would want to hear you say that."
Break the touch barrier. While she may recoil, breaking the touch barrier establishes a connection and certain dynamic. She may naturally be flirty or very self-conscious, in any scenario apologize if she recoils. She may tell you exactly why she is not comfortable, which may include that she is not single. Touching lets her know that you want to get close to her. Touch her casually after a joke or after complimenting her hair or outfit. You may touch her lower back if escorting her through a door or elevator. You may also read over her shoulder if she is classmate or coworker. While this may seem innocent, subconsciously she will know that you’re trying to get closer to her.
Read her body language. If you are in a social setting and she has her arms crossed and does not maintain eye contact, she may not be interested in having a conversation with you. In contrast, if she is touching your arm or leg during the conversation, it is a good sign that she is engaged in the conversation.
Ask yourself “how much is she telling me?” If she seems overly talkative, you may be able to surmise that she is open, friendly, and that she has a busy schedule because she is single. For example, if she never mentions a boyfriend but tells you that she goes to yoga every day, takes French lessons, and she is still looking for more activities, there is a good chance that she is single.
Be casual and polite. If you are obviously probing, she may be turned off and not be forthcoming. Say something similar to, “I was just wondering,” and ask if you could take her out or even just get her number if you just met. If you are going to be direct and straightforward, make sure that you have established a rapport. She might find it off-putting if you ask her without getting to know her at all.
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