Think carefully about the divorce. Is it necessary? Think long and hard about who is going to be affected - the children; the family; yourselves? In Islam, divorce is only a last resort if it is not at all possible to continue a marriage. When a marriage is falling apart, both spouses should try their best to bring the relationship back together; they should evaluation their relationship and reconcile. Find forgiveness and patience for your partner and communicate them about why you may think things are not working out - perhaps your partner is particularly stressed or upset about something, thus leading to a negative behavior. If, however, you think divorce is the only option, move on to the next step.
Get an arbiter. The Qur'an says, "If you anticipate a split between them, appoint a mediator from his family and another from hers. If they desire reconciliation, Allah will restore harmony between them. Surely Allah is All-Knowing, All-Aware." A marriage affects the whole family, and it is vital for family elders to attempt at reconciliation. Some people are reluctant to get their family involved; in this case, you can speak to an independent marriage counselor, although they are detached from the issue.
If all else fails, file for divorce. Divorce, or talaq, is different for the husband and wife. In Islam, there is a three-month waiting period before the divorce is finalized. The husband's divorce pronouncement can be verbal or written, but it must be done once. The wife is able to keep the dowry, or mahr, with her. If, however, the wife initiates the divorce, she can either return her dowry to end the marriage, or petition a judge for divorce. She must show proof that her husband has not fulfilled his responsibilities. A separate legal process of divorce may also be required, in which attending hearings and obtaining a legal decree of divorce are required.
Observe the waiting period of three months, or 'iddah. The Qur'an says, "O Prophet! Instruct the believers: When you intend to divorce women, then divorce them with concern for their waiting period, and count it accurately... Do not force them out of their homes, nor should they leave—unless they commit a blatant misconduct... Then when they have almost reached the end of their waiting period, either retain them honorably or separate from them honorably. And call two of your reliable men to witness either way—and let the witnesses bear true testimony for the sake of Allah." During the 'iddah, the couple is free to resume their relationship, ending the divorce process. The wife has the right to remain in the family home, and the husband is responsible for her wellbeing.
Decide who gets the child custody. Islam requires that the custody must go to a Muslim who is in good health physically and mentally and can meet the children's needs. Some judges allow preference of the children, while others award the custody to the mother if the child is under a certain age, and to the father if older. The main concern must be that the child is cared for by a responsible parent who can meet the needs of the child.
Finalise the divorce after the 'iddah. This is encouraged to do in the presence of two witnesses. After this, the wife is free to remarry. It is discouraged to have a yo-yo relationship, nor engage in blackmail.
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