- Prepare to address your parent's concerns before you ask. If you think they'll say it's not safe, be ready to explain why it's safer than they think.
- Let them take their time while they decide. Ask a week in advance, because your parents will be more likely to say yes if they don't feel pressured.
- Be on your best behavior at the event, because then you'll earn their trust for the future. Keep your phone charged and be back by curfew.
Asking Them
Set the stage. Timing is key in popping the question, so you’ll want to put some thought and effort into when and how you’ll do it. Wait for a moment when you know your parents will be relaxed and happy, and ask them then. Don’t ask your parents if they’re in a bad mood. Wait till later when they’ve cooled off. Don’t ask your parents if they’re rushed or in the middle of doing something else. Wait until you have their undivided attention.
Anticipate their worries. If you think your parents are going to say no to letting you go for safety reasons, give them examples of how safe the event will be. Tell them about any chaperones or other parents that might be there. Tell them who you’re going with, how long you’ll be there and any other pertinent information. Tell the truth. If there aren’t going to be parents or chaperones there, don’t lie. If they’re concerned about how late the event is, tell them you’ll go to bed early the next night to make up for it.
Come prepared with written information. Your parents have a lot to keep track of, so the easier you can make this on them, the better. If you have a flier of the event, give them a copy. If you have a phone number for the adult who is supervising, write that on the flier. If you’re feeling ambitious, make a list of everyone who is going to be there and include their phone numbers. Hang the flier on the fridge so the information is easily available to your parents and so that it doesn't get lost.
Show gratitude when asking to go. Your parents are responsible for your well-being, but they are not required to let you do the things you want to do. If you want your parents to grant you a favor, show them that you appreciate all the things they already do for you. Don’t just come out and say, “Mom and Dad, can I go to this event?” Try saying something like, “Mom and Dad, I know you don’t usually let me go out late on a school night, and I understand and appreciate why. But it would mean a lot if you would consider letting me go this one time.”
Offer your parents incentives. You may feel like you don’t have any power in this situation, but that’s actually not true. Try offering your parents something you know they want: foolproof options include offering to do extra chores or offering to improve your grades in school. Make your offer very specific. Say something like, “If you let me go, I’ll do everyone’s laundry this week.” If you make a promise to do something, actually do it. Otherwise, your parents will remember the next time you want a favor.
Offer to pay. If this event costs money, offering to pay will show your parents just how important this event is to you. If you can’t afford to pay the whole amount, at least offer to contribute. Your parents will appreciate your responsibility. Your parents may be so impressed by this that they may offer to pay for the whole thing. If the event doesn’t cost money, offer to give your parents money for the gas they would use driving you there. They’ll appreciate how thoughtful the gesture is.
Tell them they don’t have to answer now. You don’t want your parents to feel pressured to rush into an answer: if they feel this way, they’re more likely to turn you down. Tell your parents to take a day or two to think it over. Make sure you plan it out so you’re asking at least a week in advance. Any later than that and your parents will feel rushed. Don’t ask too far ahead of time. This increases the chances that your parents might change their minds about letting you go.
Remember that no doesn’t necessarily mean no. If your parents turn you down, don’t give up yet. Ask them why they said no, then try to think of ways to turn that no into a yes. Your parents will be impressed that you care enough to try to change, and that may be enough to sway their decision. If your parents don’t give a clear-cut reason as to why they’re saying no, dig a little deeper. You can’t change something if you don’t know what it is. If your parents say no again, accept it. If you make a big stink about it, they’re even less likely to say yes next time.
Building Trust
Be on your best behavior. Your parents aren’t likely to give in to your request if your usual behavior is obnoxious or rude. Show your parents you’re deserving of their trust by acting as grown up and responsible as you can. Go out of your way to be extra polite and helpful. They’ll notice and appreciate that you’re making an effort. Find opportunities to show that you're ready for extra responsibility at home, like take out the garbage without your parents asking you to do it. The longer you can keep this up, the more your parents will see you as a grown up who they can count on.
Keep your cell phone charged at all times. If you own a cell phone, don’t let it die. Keeping your cell phone with you and charged is a great way to show your parents that you’re responsible and that they can easily contact you if they needed to. Always pick up the phone when your parents call. You want to prove to them that they can easily get ahold of you if they give you more freedom. Same thing goes for texting. Answer as promptly as possible.
Work your way up. If you want to go to a late-night event, but you’ve never slept away from home before, your parents might be a little apprehensive. Start by asking if you can have a sleepover at a friend’s house. Ease your parents into it and they may be more likely to give in to a bigger request later. If you have a curfew, try coming home on time consistently. This will show your parents that you’re reliable. If your parents ask you to call and check in when you get somewhere, make sure you do this every time. The more trust you can build, the better.
Afterward
Thank your parents. In the event that your parents do agree to let you go, make them feel appreciated for their trust in you. Thank them after they say yes, and then again after the event. Remember, they didn't have to let you do this, and you don't want them to regret it. If you're looking for bonus points, make your parents a thank you card or get them a small gift to show your appreciation. If you're going to someone's house for the event, send them a thank you note as well.
Follow through on the guidelines you set. If you told your parents you would call them at a certain time to check in, do it. If you told them you'd be home at a certain time, don't be late. It's not enough to intend to follow through on your promises - you have to actually do it. Talk with your parents before going out. Ask them to remind you what's expected of you, then write it down so you don't forget. The more you can follow through on your promises and put them at ease during this event, the easier it will be for them to let you go next time.
Shield your parents. If your parents are easily alarmed or on the stricter side, you don’t want to give them any reason to doubt or worry about you. Be aware of what you’re putting out there on social media, and try to keep from letting your parents see anything that might freak them out. Delete your browser history when searching for things online. If you use Facebook, change your settings so that you have to approve everything that gets posted about you. This way your friends can’t tag you in something that might get you trouble later. If you need to hide things, pick a good spot where your parents won’t find them. Your attic and basement are usually a safe bet.
Comments
0 comment