Stem Girl Meaning
A “stem girl” is a lesbian with a mix of masculine and feminine qualities. The word is a combination of 2 other queer terms: stud + fem(inine). A lesbian who calls themself a “stem” has both masculine and feminine qualities—For example, they might wear lots of feminine makeup but dress in masculine clothing, have traditionally masculine interests, or take a more masculine role in relationships. Stem lesbians often use the pronouns she/her, but may use other pronouns like she/him. Stems don’t currently have an official flag, but they may feel represented by the futch horizon flag, which is used by lesbians who identify as both “femme” and “butch.” It’s important to note that this term refers specifically to Black and Latina lesbians and Black and Latina lesbian culture, where its history is rooted.
History of “Stem”
“Stem” is a more recent term that uses the older slang term “stud.” “Stud” became a popular term among Black lesbians in the 1960s, at the height of the civil rights movement, and is similar to the term “butch.” “Butch” is a term for masculine lesbians, and has been used since the 1940s. “Stem” has recently become popular on social media, especially TikTok, as a way for users to describe their identity as both masculine and feminine. “Femme,” the other half of “stem,” has also been in use since the 1940s, and describes a lesbian who’s more traditionally feminine.
Difference Between Stem and Other Identities
Stud A stud is a masculine Black lesbian. “Masculine” typically means they dress in menswear and adopt traditionally masculine behaviors and roles in relationships. As a term, it’s been around since at least the 60s. While many Black masculine lesbians use the term “stud,” not all of them do, and some prefer the term “butch,” if they use these sorts of terms at all. Latina lesbians also sometimes use the term “stud,” but otherwise the term refers exclusively to Black lesbians.
Femme “Femme” describes any lesbian (or queer person) who behaves or dresses in a more traditionally feminine way, regardless of race. It’s often used in contrast to “butch,” and has been around since at least the 1940s. Femmes are also sometimes called “lipstick lesbians.”
Butch “Butch” is a word for any lesbian who identifies as, acts, or dresses in traditionally masculine ways. Unlike “stud,” it’s used by lesbians of any race or ethnicity, and has been used since at least the 1940s.
Futch This is short for “femme butch,” and is used by any lesbian who identifies as any mix of feminine and masculine qualities. Unlike “stem,” which refers to Black lesbians, “futch” is used by lesbians of any race or ethnicity.
Soft butch Similar to “futch,” a soft butch is any lesbian who identifies as a mix of masculine and feminine. Often, though, they identify as more masculine, or butch, accented by smaller feminine qualities, like minor aesthetic choices. Soft butches are also sometimes called “Chapstick femmes.”
Stone A stone femme, stone butch, or any other “stone” identity refers to a lesbian who doesn’t like to be touched, or often even to take their clothes off, during sex, and who prefers to be a more active sexual partner.
Am I a stem girl?
Use “stem” if you’re a Black or Latina lesbian who’s both femme and butch. The only “requirements” for calling yourself “stem” are that you’re Black or Latina, are a lesbian, and like to play fast and loose with gender roles and presentation. Labels are just labels, and you’ll always be more than just a slang word, but it’s a handy way to describe your identity to yourself and others. “Stem” and “stud are terms reserved for Black and Latina lesbians partly because stems and studs draw lots of inspiration from specifically Black, and sometimes Latino, men. It’s a little awkward for a white lesbian to call themselves “stud” or “stem,” since these terms draw so heavily from Black and Latino culture.
What does being a stem girl look like?
Stem girls have any mix of masculine and feminine traits. As a stem girl, you might dress masculine but prefer to be courted like a more feminine woman. Or, you might dress feminine but pursue other lesbians like a more masculine woman. There’s no right or wrong way to be stem—it’s a very personal word that means different things to different people! Instead of thinking about stem as a box that you check, think about it more like a word that generically describes you, but doesn’t limit you to any rigid behaviors or aesthetics.
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